Love Wins
by nek0manc3r
Summary: AU to 10x07 "Tsst"! Cartman feels degraded, so he runs away. When he goes to a friend for help, he's surprised that friend welcomes him with open arms. He's more surprised to find he's slowly falling in love! He wasn't gay. Or was he? Unfortunately he has competition. Developed Stanman, Style, and maybe Kyman later. Teen!boys AU. T for swearing and mentions of self-harm.
1. The Beginning

**disclaimer; I don't own south park!**

 _Love Wins_

It was a typical day in the small mountain town in Colorado.

The sun was shining but did nothing to palliate the piles of snow scattered all over the ground. Cars drove on the street silently. The police were sitting around drinking coffee, waiting for a case. Someone was probably getting a sex change somewhere.

Oh, and Eric Cartman was pissed off.

His chubby hands shoved in the pockets of his red winter coat, and his head down to the ground as he walked to the bus stop, mumbling incoherently.

His mother had managed to get under his skin in the past, but this time she really did it.

He knew he wasn't the best behaved kid in the world. It wasn't his goal to be. But to treat him like some mutt? It was degrading. He felt genuine hate and anger burning inside of his heart.

He took his usual stance when he reached the bus stop, the last of the four to show up usually, standing off far to his left. It was quiet. The dirty blonde didn't like it. He'd have normally had some new funny story or something interesting he had heard on the news to share. But not today. Not for awhile, if he lasted that long. He didn't like the silence. But he couldn't force himself to speak.

His brown eyes averted to the other three boys standing beside him, their attention straight ahead, quietly waiting for the school bus. Stan's hands were hiding in his pocket, on account of him losing his red gloves a couple days ago. Kyle was impatiently tapping his foot onto the snow-covered ground, Cartman figrued he probably got ready too early and was the first to get here. Kenny seemed bored, eyes wandering around across the street. There was probably some hot chick in the window at the business nearby.

There was no way he could survive if they knew what was happening to him, what he was going through. Not only was it inhuman, but Cartman's pride was important to him. It was unusual for something to actually get him feeling like shit.

He would just have to put on a happy face and hope nobody found out.

"Why the hell are you staring at us?" The Jew's voice interrupted Cartman's thoughts.

It caught the larger boy off guard. "What?"

"Why are you staring at us?" Kyle asked again, stretching each word out some more for emphasis, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

Cartman mentally panicked. What the hell? He had never panicked like this before.

"I was just thinking...," Cartman started, desperately trying to conjure up a quick cover. "With that nose, you must be able to smell a predator a mile away. Guess you won't have to worry about getting ambushed if WWIII happens."

 _Please just carry on._

"Shut your fucking mouth, Cartman!"

 _Thank God._

"Dude. You have your mother's nose," he continued casually.

"You're calling my nose big? Have you ever looked in a mirror? Then you'd see what big _really_ is!"

"I'm not fat, Jew!"

"Come up with a new phrase, jackass!"

As usual, Stan and Kenny remained silent while the other two bickered. Stan's shoulders could be seen rising and lowering slowly, letting out a quiet sigh. Kenny seemed uninterested overall.

It continued this way until the bus finally arrived, as the four kids piled inside. Stan and Kyle sat together in the same seat. The redhead was ever so slightly leaning onto the raven haired kid's shoulder. It was subtle enough to where they could pass it off as nothing if someone were to ask, but to the common eye, it was pretty obvious that it was out of affection for Stan.

Cartman sat in the back of the bus, disgusted at the sight before him. It made his stomach churn and he felt the urge to puke.

 _Pricks. Fucking faggy pricks,_ he thought darkly.

 _I hate them._

 _I hate everything._

It was going to be a long day at school. Thank God it was the last day before Winter break.

* * *

 _"I'm running away!"_ Cartman cried angrily to his mother and the jackass Caesar.

It had gone to far. Hell no, it had gone to infinity and beyond by now.

He quickly stuffed his backpack with a few of his personal essentials, some of his Wellington Bear equipment, a couple of shirts, some snacks and Clyde Frog.

He swung the bag over his shoulder as he headed for the door, stopping to take one last look back at the two adults, who didn't seem at all fazed by his threat. He blinked at them in disbelief, "aren't you going to try and stop me?"

Mrs. Cartman remained quiet for a moment, before looking over to the Hispanic man, like a kid at the doctor eying their parents for answers.

"No, go right on ahead." He said simply.

Cartman's mouth fell open. "You're seriously just gonna let me walk out the door, into the cold?! What the hell kind of mother are you?!"

He knew that kind of tone was exactly what had gotten him into this mess in the first place. But he couldn't help himself, this is just the way he was born and raised! It wasn't his fault she was a shitty mother!

When said woman continued to remain quiet, Cartman felt the horrible sting of tears in his big brown eyes.

"F-Fine. Bye, bitch."

And with that, he was out the door.

"Don't worry, he'll be back, it's all part of the plan." Caesar told the mother reassuringly.

x.x.x

Cartman angrily wiped at his tears as he walked down the sidewalk, the only warmth emitting from the sun slowly fading away as it was setting behind the mountains in the distance. He deemed it useless as they only continued to spill down his cheeks, and put his arms to better use; huddling himself together in an attempt to keep warm. He could see the shakiness in his breath when it emitted into a visible stance in the 20 degree air.

All he wanted to do was get out of the house. But where the hell was he supposed to go now? He couldn't spend the night out here, he would freeze to death for sure.

Kenny's house?

No fucking way, they're too poor. Cartman would rather die.

And there's no way he was going to the Jew's house. Even if he wanted to, he already knew the heartless bastard would never let him in to stay the night.

He would feel awkward as hell in Butters' house, his parents were such hardasses. He could go to Craig, Token, Clyde, or Tweek, but he didn't consider them friends. He didn't want pity from a stranger.

He didn't want pity at all. But he needed it right now.

There was only one person he thought it somewhat reasonable to approach.

Stan.

He made his way to the Marsh residence, stopping at the front door. He lifted his chubby fist to knock on the door, but it froze, his mind continuing to fathom whether he should just turn around and go home.

 _No. This is a battle of willpower. I'm not letting my bitch of a mother do me like that. She doesn't even want me there._

He felt the sting of tears in his eyes again.

 _Damn it!_

He refused to let anyone see him in this state, even the friend he tended to be the nicest to. Sure, Stan was a hippie, loved animals too fucking much, wasted some of his video game time playing football and had "emo hair", and was ignorant to his gayness in Cartman's eyes, he laid off Stan. He suffered enough with his dumbass of a father and abusive bitch of a sister. His mother was okay, but it still didn't help Stan's situation.

As he wiped the last of his tears away, he felt his heart stop as the door knob suddenly turned before he even started knocking. The door was opened, revealing the raven haired Stan Marsh, carrying a large trash bag over his shoulder. They were both gazing at each other in equal shock.

Cartman silently prayed that Stan didn't see him crying, or could sense the hint that he had been crying. It seemed to go unnoticed, to his relief.

"What are you doing here, Cartman?" Stan asked, genuinely confused.

"Um...," Cartman sighed, getting right to the point. "I need a place to crash."

The hippie blinked, setting down the trash bag for now and deciding to get the stupid, but most important question out of the way. "Why can't you just sleep at your house?"

"I just... can't be around my mom right now." Cartman admitted, his fingers fiddling in his sleeves. He hated having to explain himself. Couldn't the bastard just see he was upset, and cold, and let him in?

 _No, he couldn't._ Because he was best friends with that fucking Jew Kyle, and would use it against him to reject him.

"Well, sure, I guess."

 _...or not._

"What?" Cartman asked in disbelief.

Stan stepped aside, clearing the doorway for the larger boy. "Come in."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"You mean it?"

"Just get your ass in here," Stan said, rolling his eyes.

"Right." Cartman didn't want to miss his chance. He readjusted his backpack to fit comfortably around his shoulder as he hurried inside, humming happily at the warmth that hit him. Stan took a moment to take the trash out before joining Cartman inside, shutting the door and brushing the snow off himself.

"You can set your stuff down by the closet," Stan commented, before walking into the kitchen.

Cartman did as Stan suggested, shrugging off his red coat and tossing it on top of his bag. Something smelled really good. He followed Stan into the kitchen.

"Mom, Cartman is here." The black haired-boy informed his mother.

Said woman turned her attention from the stove and turned to look at Cartman.

"Oh, hello, Eric," she greeted politely, but it was evident she was slightly annoyed as she then eyed Stan. "Stanley, you didn't tell me you were having a guest." She said condescendingly.

"I'm telling you now," Stan said, annoyance evidence in his tone as well.

Sharon had to bite back a snap, not wanting to bicker in front of a guest. "Well, get washed up and sit down," she said, forcing herself to maintain her composure. "Dinner is almost ready. We're having spaghetti and garlic toast."

Cartman perked up at that.

Yeah. Much better than pop-tarts or whatever the hell Jews eat.

Stan climbed up onto a chair, opening a comic book and reading it. Cartman took the seat next to him.

"Didn't she say to get washed up or something stupid like that?" Cartman asked, trying to be a nice house guest. The last thing he wanted was to get thrown out of the only decent place he could hope to be staying.

Stan simply shrugged, his eyes not leaving the comic. "We're just gonna get messy while we eat anyway."

"Huh. Yeah." Cartman said, liking Stan's logic. He snickered slightly at the slight rebellious feeling. He missed it.

* * *

The food was delicious, and it wasn't awkward as hell as they ate. Sharon and Shelley were eating at the table, while Cartman and Stan found themselves eating on the couch in front of the T.V. Randy had returned home from work at some point, and disappeared upstairs. When they were finished, they thrusted their dishes to Sharon, who disapproved, but let it slide.

They spent the rest of the night just hanging out, thankful they were out of school for awhile. They played games on his Xbox, watched some funny rated-R movies as they snacked on popcorn and chips, read comic books.

Cartman found himself having a great time. He never spent time with Stan alone. It was always the four of them, or just Kenny. And usually by now, Kyle would have said something to set him off, or he would've grown bored and deliberately got Kyle going into an argument for the hell of it, ruining every play-date.

But they were having a good time. Playing. And laughing. Cartman never saw Stan like this before. He was always seemed to be hopped up on subtle depression, or he was with Kyle, so Cartman avoided him.

He found that he liked hanging out with Stan.

Why didn't he do it more often?

x.x.x

It wasn't until about 3 a.m. when they got tired and decided it was best to hit the hay

"There's not much room on my bed, it's barely big enough to hold me anymore," Stan half-pointed out, half-complained. "You can sleep on the couch. It's probably more comfortably than my floor. Be right back."

As the smaller boy trotted up the stairs to get some pillows and blankets, Cartman threw himself down on the couch. He noted how comfortable it was earlier, but laying on it was something else. He liked it better than his own bed at home. He couldn't help the small smile that formed on his face. The temporary anger he felt in his heart had been palliated somehow.

 _What the hell am I doing?_ Cartman thought. _Thinking like this. I'm turning into a hippie cock bitch fag._

 _Well, that's not a nice thing to..._

 _Wait, since when do I care about being nice?_

 _Ugh. Shit, fuck. Damn it._

Stan came back a minute later, arms full of pillows and blankets. He had brought more than needed, but he wanted to be a good host and make sure Cartman had everything he needed.

He knew Cartman was generally an ass, but Stan had accepted it a long time ago. He wasn't really fazed by Cartman's words or actions anymore, and that was probably part of the reason Cartman didn't rip on him. If that was true, Stan would like to keep it that way. He tried to pass his ways onto Kyle, but no matter how hard the redhead tried, he always got mad and lashed back at Cartman for whatever he said or did.

Stan couldn't figure out why they couldn't just chill out.

Cartman nuzzled into the couch comfortably as Stan switched off the light.

"Night," he said casually, and started making his way back upstairs.

"Hey, wait... Stan?" Cartman called out to him.

Stan stopped to look down at him. "What?"

"Uh..." he had to get this out. He had to. Come on! "T..Thanks."

That was difficult.

"No problem dude," the athlete replied with a half smile, and disappeared up the stairs.

He laid in his bed that night, hands crossed behind his head as a pillow.

 _There's something wrong with Cartman,_ he thought to himself.

He was only half-joking.

* * *

 **do you guys like it so far? ;3 please let me know! it motivates me to continue!**

 **more chapters to come!**


	2. Bonding

The sounds of small popping and contact of utensils nearby slowly drew Cartman out of his peaceful slumber. His brown eyes fluttered open before he stretched and let out a long yawn. When his eyes adjusted to the light, they then remembered where he was. He was at Stan's house.

He shifted on the couch to sit up, but fell back down. He was way too comfortable to move so soon after waking up. He noted a smell coming from the kitchen that was heavenly, and peeked over to see... Stan?

Stan stood in front of the stove, arms moving in a manner that helped Cartman conclude he was the one conjuring up something delicious. It was strange to see, but also nice, somehow. The dirty blonde found himself thinking about how tall Stan had gotten since they were younger. They were still about the same height now in their teenage years, but being skinny, while also muscular from playing football, Stan was just... perfectly balanced.

Cartman twitched his nose. Who the hell got off because someone was tall?

Well, some people he guessed. Including himself.

His thoughts were interrupted when Stan made his way over to the living room, a full plate in hand.

"Morning. Hope I didn't wake you up." The raven haired boy said.

"M- oh, nah it's cool..." Cartman said tiredly. He wanted to greet Stan in the same way. Exchange a friendly good morning, but he also had to respond to the apology, as he saw it more important. And now it seemed too after the fact and awkward to say good morning.

 _Damn._

"What time is it?" Cartman asked, rubbing his eyes and finally sitting up.

"Dunno," Stan answered honestly. "Probably noon." He set the plate he was holding down on the table in front of the couch. Cartman's mouth fell open in awe.

Stan had prepared, comparatively, a gourmet breakfast! A thick sausage patty residing between two warm, fluffy biscuits, and steamy bacon on the side with sweet tea to drink.

"Damn, Stan, _you_ made this?!" Cartman asked in awe, picking up the sausage biscuit.

"Yeah."

"...for me?"

"Yeah," Stan said again, standing up and heading back to the kitchen to make his own plate. Cartman's eyes sparkled with culinary lust as he bit down into his breakfast. It was absolutely wonderful, especially considering all the crap his mom had been forcing him to eat lately, trying to force a diet on him. He never thought he'd have such a wonderful taste in his mouth ever again.

Stan returned with his own plate, a couple of simple over-easy eggs and some sliced fruit. He saw down on the floor on the other side of the table and began to eat. The skimpiness didn't go unnoticed by the larger boy.

"That's all you're gonna eat?" He asked, quirking a brow.

Stan nodded.

"Is this some kind of fat joke?" Cartman asked playfully, his lips quirking into a smile. "You trying to say something?"

Stan shook his head. "I know you like meat."

 _Oh right,_ Cartman thought. He had forgotten about Stan's oath during the time they had hidden baby cows in his room like Jews in WWII. Guess he wasn't bluffing.

"Yeah. Should you be eating those eggs, then?" He asked.

"I'm a vegetarian, not a vegan, there's a difference," Stan pointed out.

Cartman couldn't suppress his laughter. "Freakin' hippie," he thought out loud. When he realized his mistake, his smile faded. He hoped he hasn't hurt Stan's feelings-

 _No_. A small smile was tugging at the corner of said boy's mouth as he ate a strawberry slice. "Shut up."

Cartman's smile returned as they continued eating, and Stan turned on the game. It played quietly in the background and they watched, but still engaged in occasional conversation.

"So, why are you making breakfast? Where the hell are your parents at?" Cartman said, meaning to ask since he woke up.

Stan shrugged. "Dad's prolly hungover. Shelley is out with her 'friends.' Don't care where my mom is," he answered.

"Is it like that every morning?"

"Yeah."

Cartman slowly frowned. Sure, his current living conditions at his own home were hell for him. They were so bad considering how he was used to living, that they forced him to run off. Being here at Stan's house, he began to understand his friend some more. No wonder he didn't really get along with his family.

"How do you put up with that?" He asked, not stopping himself before it was too late.

"Well, I don't," Stan said, giving it some thought. "I'd have normally gone somewhere with Kyle by now."

"Huh." Cartman said, returning his attention to the game. He couldn't help the small smirk that formed in his face. Stan was _his_ this morning.

"So how long are you planning on staying?" Stan asked, pushing his empty plate away and curling up against the couch.

The larger male shot a curious glance at Stan, not sure how to take the question. Stan caught on.

"That was out of ignorance, not expectation," he explained. Cartman was filled with relief that it wasn't a hint to leave.

"I... don't know," he said honestly. If he could, he would want to stay here with Stan forever..

..did he really just think that?

"Well, take as long as you need then."

Cartman's heart was thumping in his chest. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He had no idea what the hell was happening to him. Stan made him feel so happy and cared for. He had never felt like that before. Sure, his mom had pampered him his whole life, but this was a different kind of care. A different kind of love.

 _Love?_

Cartman winced. There was no way.

He found himself stumbling through his word bank, and his thoughts. Though it was hard to rely on thoughts when they were scrambling through his brain like static. He had to say something nice. Anything nice. _Thank you. You have a nice house. You're a really good friend._

But it was too out of the blue for him. The last thing he wanted was to come off as an awkward, dependent pussy. He sighed in self-defeat, lowering his head.

But he still had to say something.

"You're gonna sit on the floor?" Cartman asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, it's fine."

Cartman blinked. "You sure?" He asked. He wanted Stan on the couch with him. "It's more comfortable up here."

"Don't worry about it."

Cartman bit his lip. Stan was so stubborn.

But Cartman was more so.

"Wh-?!" Stan let out a startled sound as he suddenly found himself being hauled off the floor from behind.

Well, sort of.

Cartman had wrapped his arms around Stan's waist and was trying to pull him up onto the couch. Their position made it harder than he anticipated. Knowing Stan would be confused as hell, he spoke.

"You're coming up on the couch!" He bellowed, pulling on the smaller boy.

Stan tried to speak, but he was too surprised- not out of negativity, but Cartman had never been so exuberant with him. Or, with anybody, for that matter. Stan didn't know what went on between Cartman and Kenny but this seemed so out of character.

Cartman had managed to swoop Stan to his feet but he wouldn't be able to get him on the couch unless he moved over and made room. The runaway had slightly shifted over and pulled Stan down onto the couch.

The pillows and blankets he had been using took up a lot of space and Cartman didn't realize this until he had brought Stan to the couch, and they were pushed up together. Stan's back was flushed with Cartman's front and that couldn't really be changed without knocking everything else off the couch.

But it was so comfortable and he didn't want to.

Their position didn't go unnoticed by the athlete but he brushed it off. He didn't realize it until now but the both of them had been laughing that whole time.

"Dahamnit, Cartmahan..." Stan said, trying to catch his breath.

Cartman smiled. There was Stan's laughter again. It was music to his ears. He had to hear more of it. A smirk crossed his lips.

"What?" He asked in mock innocence as he proceeded to cup his hand around Stan's side and give it a squeeze.

Stan let out a yelp as he covered his mouth to cover the giggles that followed behind. When he regained his composure, he turned his head to catch the evil glint in the brown eyes behind him.

"Cartman, no.." Stan warned him.

"No what?" Cartman asked, about to go for the kill again.

"Cartman, I swear.."

"Swear what?"

"Don't- _nohohoheho!_ " Stan burst into a fit of laughter when Cartman's arms crossed his waist from behind and held him in place while he squeezed his sides.

"Carhahartmahahahan, stohahaohop- _NOOHO!_ " Stan squealed when Cartman found a particularly sensitive spot on his higher ribs and focused there for a little bit. He laughed adorably as his cheeks started to turn pink and he squirmed in Cartman's grip.

"So where's your worst spot, Hippie?" Cartman asked, slowing his attack for a moment. Stan caught his breath as the tickly feeling still haunted his middle which caused him to keep giggling subtly. He could hear the smirk in Cartman's voice.

"I'm nohot tellihing..." the raven haired boy answered.

Cartman pursed his lips. "Well, guess I'll just have to find it myself!" He thought about what to do. His own stomach had always been a good spot when he was a kid and he decided to try it on Stan, but he was hard to do in this position. He released Stan only for a moment to flip him on his back and pin him to the couch, sitting on his middle with his hands trapped at his sides.

Stan let out a pained grunt as he continued to laugh. "Cartman, you're crushing mehe."

"Sorry," Cartman smiled, but he didn't move. He instead dug ten fingers into Stan's stomach, and was rewarded with a scream and more laughter from his friend. Cartman couldn't help but laugh along as he tormented his hippie friend for awhile longer, before pulling up his T-shirt to press his lips against the skin.

Stan knew exactly what he was about to do and gasped before he tried to move away, but he was stuck. He might have been a football player but he had nothing against Cartman's weight. It was quite useful in this situation. And honestly, Stan had never minded it. In fact he kind of liked it for some reason. Stan admired Cartman's individuality, not giving a shit what anyone thought and not afraid to speak out for himself. Stan had always wished he was that brave-

"NAHAHAHAT THAHAHAT! CARTMAHAHAN NEHEHEOHO!" He cried out as said boy blew a raspberry into his horribly sensitive tummy. He kept saying no, but it felt wonderful to be so laid back and carefree, laughing as if all their troubled vanished. And it felt kind of nice in general. Maybe a little nicer than he'd admit, but he brushed it off.

Stan and Kyle had done this a lot, and he always loved every second of it. Although with Kyle, Stan had always won. It was different to be the one on the bottom.

Not better, or worse. Just different.

He gulped in air as Cartman gave him a short break, smiling down at him with a shit-eating grin. "Had enough yet, Hippie?"

"Yehes..!" Stan exclaimed when Cartman poked him in the side. "Yehes I have, thahank you very muhuch!"

"Don't use sarcasm with me!" The dirty blonde threatened playfully as he flipped Stan back onto his stomach and sat on his thighs, pulling his sock-covered feet into his arms.

"Oh _noho!_ " Stan continued to struggle, kicking his feet and trying to reach behind him to get Cartman back, though his arms didn't bend far back enough. He was screwed. Cartman was about to find his worst spot.

The larger boy snickered and held both feet still with one arm as he pulled his socks off and scribbled his fingers all over the soles.

"NOOOOOOOHOHOHOHEHEHEHEHE CARTMAHAHAN! NAHAHAT THEHERE! HAHAHAHEHE PLEHEHEASE STOHOHOP!"

Cartman ignored him and began wiggling his fingers in between Stan's toes.

That was it, Cartman concluded with a smirk. That was his spot.

Stan burst into hysterical laughter as his toes were tortured. He couldn't even form full sentences anymore, he could just laugh and lay still while Cartman had his way with him.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally stopped. He proceeded to step off of Stan, who curled up into a protective ball on the couch.

Cartman was still laughing, "you okay?"

Stan was struggling to retain his composure as his cheeks were still pink and he let out the last of his giggles, but he nodded.

Stan's usual 'I'm fine' was then replaced with, "I'm good."

Cartman couldn't help the warm smile that formed on his face as he gazed upon his friend, who returned the smile. It was peaceful for a moment before the telephone started ringing.

"Call from Kyle." The automated voice called from the telephone in the kitchen.

"I should answer that," Stan said as he got up and stretched before going to answer the phone.

"Yeah," Cartman said, but he crossed his arms and pouted before plopping down on the couch again.

They were having so much fun. Figures the Jew would ruin it.

" _Oh, I completely forgot!_ " He heard Stan say from the kitchen.

"Dude, I've been waiting for you for fifteen minutes!" Kyle said on the other end.

"I'm sorry," Stan apologized sadly. "I didn't mean to..."

The redhead caught his sadness. "No, no, it's okay. We'll have to wait in line, but it's no big deal, dude, don't worry about it. I'll still be here waiting for you," he said cheerfully, trying to cheer up his best friend.

"Alright. I'll be there soon." Stan sighed. "Thanks Kyle." He hung up and placed the phone back in its compartment.

Cartman tilted his head. "Plans?"

"I was supposed to meet Kyle at the amusement park," Stan explained. "I totally forgot." He rubbed the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed.

"Oh," Cartman said. Although he secretly reveled in accidentally ruining Kyle's morning, he did feel guilty for embarrassing Stan. "I'm sorry. It's my fault."

"No," Stan said quickly. "It's alright. You're welcome to come with us." He said as he started making his way up the stairs.

Cartman perked up. "You're seriously?"

"Yeah, hurry though!" He called from his bedroom, shutting the door to get ready.

"Huh." Cartman also started to get dressed and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

He normally avoided Stan and Kyle when they were together but he didn't feel right letting them run off alone after all this.

Cartman knew Kyle had feelings for Stan, even if Stan didn't. Kyle made it pretty clear the way he clung to his friend all the time, even at school.

But Cartman was involved now, and the battle for Stan had just begun.

Cartman didn't like losing battles.

* * *

 **tbc! :3**

 **also, I know Stan was seen eating meat after Fun With Veal, but I kinda like the idea of him slightly being a hippie (if that wasn't obvious already) so I'm keeping it xD**


	3. The Battle

The redhead looked at his phone for the umpteenth time that morning. It wasn't like Stan to forget their plans- especially since they were talking about today for a little over a month.

He tried not to think about it. His best friend was under a lot of pressure, and he knew it. His family hadn't gotten any easier to deal with. Stan had hit maturity faster than any of them- in fact he might have been the only one. Kyle could respect that. It meant Stan was dwelling on his life choices. What he wanted to do, how he was going to do it... sexual preferences, and so forth.

He was also looking for a job at the young age of sixteen. He had told Kyle it was because he wanted to earn money for them to be able to do things together more often. It had made the eldest Broflovski child unbearably happy, he could hardly control his emotions around his best friend and crush.

He smiled at his thoughts. It grew on his face and his heart pounded in his chest when he saw said boy approaching the steps into the front gate...

...although he was not alone.

 _Cartman?_ Kyle thought. _What is he doing here?_

He figured he'd get an explanation once they were within speaking distance of each other. Spotting Stan's eyes peering over the large crowd, Kyle waved his hand, calling out to them, which drew them over.

"Hey Stan," Kyle smiled brightly upon seeing his friend.

"Hey," Stan replied. "Sorry for being late..." he mumbled.

"Don't worry about it. Hey Cartman. What are you doing here?" Kyle asked, trying to sound normal, but the disapproval was detectable in his voice.

"Just tagging along," Cartman answered.

Kyle tilted his head. Cartman seemed uneasy somehow, like he was slipping. "Oh."

Cartman's features contorted into a pout. What should he do? He wanted nothing more than to lash out at the dirty Jew for the intimation that he wasn't welcome. But a thought came to mind.

What when through Stan's head when they fought?

Cartman and Stan honestly hadn't interacted much until recently. And the black haired boy was always most likely quietly agreeing with his best friend, whatever the case may be.

But maybe he wasn't. Hippies were for peace, not war, after all. Was it right of him to pick a fight with Kyle in front of Stan?

It certainly didn't seem so.

Cartman's morals had never been an issue up until now. Something was definitely wrong with him. Or maybe it was right. He still wasn't sure.

All he knew was he still couldn't let Kyle win.

"I'm sorry..." he said, faking a sad tone. "I shouldn't be here. I'll just go home."

The larger boy turned around, but only took one step before he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't go, Cartman." Stan's voice said firmly from behind him.

A smirk was painted on Cartman's face, unseen by the other two boys.

 _Perfect._

"A-Alright, if you say so, buddy," Cartman's sadness was immediately gone- Kyle noted- as he rolled his eyes and pulled some money out of his pocket.

"Let's just go in," the Jew mumbled.

They headed inside as soon as they got their tickets.

"So, what do you wanna do first?" Kyle asked excitedly, seeming to address only his best friend.

Stan shrugged. "It's up to you guys."

Kyle scoffed. That reaction was to be expected. "Come on, Stan. You pick. Whatever you want." He said in a determined manner. He then pulled his trademark move and wrapped both his arms around one of Stan's as they walked.

"I want whatever you guys want," Stan deadpanned, clawing his way out of the decision making.

Kyle giggled in response. "You're so stubborn."

"Am not."

"Are to!"

Twee conversation continued between the two while Cartman followed behind, hands in his pockets. The familiar boiling rage crept into his heart upon the sight in front of him.

Although this time, it was not out of disgust. It was clear enough to the point where Cartman could even admit it to himself.

He was jealous.

And he didn't take jealousy very well.

Since the Jew was obviously not going to end this conversation any time soon, he decided to speak up.

"How about the tunnel of love?" He joked, catching Kyle's attention. He turned his head to glare at the larger boy.

"What?" Cartman spoke out defensively. "Just a suggestion."

"Who would you bring on the ride with you? A bucket of fried chicken, or a bag of cheesy puffs? Or both?" Kyle asked, sticking his tongue out at Cartman.

Normally, he'd experience a playful banter type of anger and rip back at Kyle, but he was rather taken aback by his words. He decided to use this to his advantage and depict the same false sadness he had used before.

"I was just joking, Kyle, you don't have to be mean."

It was Kyle's turn to be surprised. He blinked curiously at Cartman. "What the hell are you on, fatass? Aren't you gonna say something about religion or some shit to me?"

"Kyle." Stan warned unexpectedly.

The redhead's vivid green eyes peered up at his best friend. "Huh?"

"That's enough," the athlete said gently, but firmly.

"But..." Kyle was at a loss for words. Stan was telling him to back down? Cartman was the one acting psychotic. It had to be some kind of act. Kyle knew him too well. "But I..., he..., o-okay, Stan."

"Guys, I need a minute." Cartman hurried over to the nearby restroom, leaving the other two boys stunned behind him. But he couldn't help it... he could not restrain the laughter that threatened to escape him. As soon as the doors were closed, he burst into a wild fit.

He couldn't believe he actually managed to get Stan to scold Kyle.

Life was good.

* * *

When Cartman rushed to the bathroom, Kyle took this opportunity to talk some sense into the other.

"Stan, why did you just let Cartman intrude on us?"

"He's not intruding. I invited him," Stan answered.

Kyle's mouth hung open. "Why though?"

Stan looked both directions to confirm it was safe to speak about what had been on his mind. He took Kyle gently by the forearm and led him slightly away from the bathroom.

"Something's wrong with him, I think." He said.

Kyle's eyes were unamused. "Something wrong... with Cartman. News flash, Stan, this is Cartman were talking about here, of course there's something wrong with him! He's Cartman!"

"Kyle, seriously, that's enough!" Stan shouted back angrily.

The smaller boy's eyes widened in hurt. Stan had never yelled at him like that before. Feeling embarrassed, he averted his watery eyes toward the ground. Stan immediately regretted raising his voice at his friend.

"I'm sorry Kyle..." he murmured guiltily as he reached down to wipe the tear's from Kyle's eyes. "It's just that..."

"I know...," Kyle said. "I know."

Kyle knew what he was talking about. Stan had a kind heart, and it was wrong of him to be so foul and cruel towards another in his presence. And he was just standing there bashing Cartman for being a jerk.

Nice going Broflovski, he scolded himself mentally.

He sighed. "Okay. What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know," the raven-haired boy answered. "He's acting so strange. He 'ran away,' as far as that goes for him. He stayed at my house last night. I guess that's why I forgot about our plans. He was acting so... indigent."

Kyle's eye twitched at his friend's words. He couldn't suppress the nag of jealousy he felt jabbing him in the back of his conscience. "So, you think he's goin' through something and needs help?"

"I guess."

Kyle looked down. That was so unlike Cartman. The boy was hardly fazed by common troubles- and if he was, he responded with anger and violence. Not desperateness for attention. And he certainly never went to anyone else for help.

Unless it was part of some kind of scheme.

The redhead wouldn't believe otherwise for one second.

He huffed subtly. "Okay. I get it."

"Thank you," Stan said genuinely. "Look, I know you guys don't get along, and I know it wasn't fair of me to suddenly change our plans, but trust me on this. Okay?"

Kyle couldn't stop himself from hugging his crush. "I trust you," he said, his muffled voice by Stan's jacket, who gladly returned the hug.

He trusted Stan.

But he didn't trust Cartman.

* * *

Cartman finally excused himself from the men's room as he regrouped with his friends. "Alright!" He said, rubbing his hands together cheerfully. "We decide where we're going?"

"How about the Tower of Doom?" Kyle suggested, putting all differences aside, for now at least. "That's always fun."

"Really? No tunnel of love?" Cartman snickered, catching up to walk beside Stan where Kyle was not.

"You're serious about that?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah! Why not? It'll be perfect!" The largest boy laughed.

"Don't you think it'll look weird for three teenage boys to go on at once?" Kyle twitched. "I don't even know if three people can go on. It's for two people."

"Really? Well, guess Stan and I could go, and you could stay behind, since you obviously don't like the idea." Cartman chuckled and proceeded to mimic Kyle by clinging to Stan's other arm.

Kyle's heart stopped. "No.. maybe Stan and I could go, and you could go by yourself. You're big enough to qualify as two people, right?" He couldn't stop himself from arguing. He felt Stan go tense beneath his hold.

"How about we just don't go on at all," he deadpanned, trying to peacefully resolve the unnecessary storm that was brewing among them.

Cartman's lip pouted. "Fine, Hippie. Have it your way."

Kyle couldn't help but notice the way Cartman spoke to Stan. The dirty blonde hardly addressed Stan at all. But now he was nick-naming him? Since when? Did he mean it as an insult, or just friendly banter?

Either way, he didn't like it; and either way, Stan wasn't fazed, as usual. He somehow managed to maintain his neutral composure even at the peak among Cartman's intolerable behavior.

Kyle would never understand how he did it.

Kyle would also never understand why Cartman was acting the way he was.

Since when would Cartman cling to Stan?

No. Stan was his. Cartman couldn't do this. Of all the things Cartman did that pissed Kyle off, this was slowly making its way to first place.

 _Damn him._

The rest of the day continued like that. Cartman, not wanting to feel like a third wheel and palliating his secret jealousy, was flirty and affectionate with Stan like some kind of sick love puppy. Stan accepted it the way he accepted Kyle's- he didn't care for the occasional odd look. If he was having fun with his friends, he was having fun with his friends. And knowing he was worthy of such affection from people he cared about so much made him forget about his reoccurring depression. Kyle was angry, but he tried to ignore it for Stan's sake. He and Cartman seemed to have a mental battle the entire day. Who could be more affectionate with Stan without being too obvious?

By the end of the day, it was a stalemate. Kyle couldn't believe it, but it was.

He figured it was better than losing.

But it still annoyed him somehow.

By the time Kyle got home, he trudged up the stairs tiredly and plopped down on his bed.

He had imagined a fun winter break alone with his best friend. But that obviously wasn't going to happen.

What was Cartman up to? He had to be doing this on purpose. The disgusted look on his face never went unnoticed by Kyle whenever they were together at school.

Cartman was perfectly aware of Kyle's feelings for Stan, and Kyle knew it.

He gritted his teeth angrily.

Of all the stupid things, this really did take the cake.

What hurt Kyle the most was the assumption that Cartman was using Stan for personal gain. Manipulating his compassion just to piss Kyle off. Stan was sugary sweet, and Kyle refused to accept any explanation that didn't involve Cartman just taking advantage of him.

The fatass had even managed to turn Stan against him, if only even for a second. He had managed to do it.

It pained the redhead to have these thoughts. He turned over, fluttering his green eyes closed to sleep as he vowed that by the end of break he would get to the bottom of Cartman's childish antics, and prove to Stan that he was a phony.

* * *

 **the plot thickens! :3**

 **we get to see more of kyle's pov from now on because i don't want him looking like a bad guy in this story.**

 **thank you for your kind words suhamakittenII, it means a lot! :D i'm glad you like it!**


	4. Consolation

**warning; mentions of self harm in this chapter! _slightly_ sad! more bonding!  
**

* * *

A couple of days had gone by already, and Cartman was still residing at the Marsh residence.

Well, the Stan and Cartman residence.

Randy was often out with some "friends," getting wasted, but still smart enough as to not return home and cause trouble for his family. Shelley had a new boyfriend nearly every day and was constantly out spending time with whoever it was. Sharon appeared on occasion to check on her son but wasn't seen to often aside from that, she was probably out doing her own thing, too. Therapy wouldn't surprise Cartman.

What did surprise him, though, is that he hadn't heard from his mother since he left. Was this really a battle of willpower, or did the heartless bitch seriously revel in his absence?

Cartman tried not to think about it. Emotional pain didn't suit him. But it was sweeping him off his feet lately. It hurt that his mom apparently stopped caring about him, if she ever did. It hurt that he could, at this point, admit he had fallen in love with his friend Stan, but their situation made it dangerous and highly unlikely. It hurt that there was competition, Kyle.

It hurt that he was late to the party and was disrupting the balance of their relationship.

Cartman winced as he laid on the couch. He was having far too many profound thoughts to sleep. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

Is this was maturity felt like? Was he blooming puberty a little late or something? He had no idea what the hell was happening to him. He also had no idea whether it was beneficial to his character or if it was killing him, slowly, and painfully.

His thoughts were interrupted by a growl in his tummy. He groaned, turning over in his position. He didn't want to take food without asking, and also he felt incredibly lazy and wasn't sure if he had the energy to-

 _Growl._

Okay, he did. He kicked the covers off and stretched after getting up. He looked up and noticed the light on in the bathroom, emitting from under the closed door. Shelley wasn't around and Sharon had her own bathroom in their bedroom, so it must have been Stan.

Cartman thought nothing of it as he waddled over to the kitchen tiredly, and opened up the pantry.

Yep. Just as he thought, nothing but health food. The closest thing they had to junky snack was a chocolate chip granola bar. Cartman murmured something in disapproval as he closed the door and went on to look in the fridge, finding nothing more charming. He spent a few minutes looking before setting for a glass of water and a granola bar.

He took his snack and was about to settle back down on the couch until he noticed the light was still on in the bathroom hallway upstairs.

Huh. Maybe someone had just left the light on?

Cartman figured he might as well go turn it off to save power or whatever. He smiled at the thought.

 _I'm turning into a freakin' hippie, too!_

But as he made his way up the stairs and went to turn the knob, it was locked. Cartman's eyebrows furrowed as he knocked gently on the door.

"Stan?"

A hesitant response came a moment later, "yeah?"

"What're you doin' in there, buddy? It's been a few minutes."

"Uh... yeah. I don't feel very good. I think it's something I ate."

"Oh." Cartman looked down at the floor. Poor Stan, he knew the feeling-

Wait. Something he ate? He hardly ate anything!

"I didn't know you could get sick from rabbit food," Cartman replied, slightly accusingly. Was Stan lying? If so, why?

He heard a shaky sigh on the other side. "I'll be out in a second."

 _More like an hour,_ Cartman concluded, when several minutes passed before Stan finally exited the bathroom, being greeted by a skeptical Cartman.

"So what's the deal?" The larger boy asked.

"Nothing to worry about. You should go back to bed," Stan said.

"Can't really sleep. I was gonna ask if you wanted to do something, if you're not too tired."

"Uh, sure. Alright."

Cartman could detect the hesitance in his friend's voice. What the hell was going on? Nevertheless he followed Stan to his bedroom.

"Damn. It's dark in here. Where's the light switch?" He asked, groping the wall beside him to find the small switch.

"Wait, don't-" Stan said quietly, but it was too late before light permeated the room.

"Ahh, that's better!" Cartman cheered, before noticing the look of horror on Stan's face.

"Dude. What's wrong-?" He asked, but then he was able to scrutinize the youngest Marsh's features. His eyes were red, his eyelashes glistening in wetness. That would mean...

"Have you been crying?" Cartman asked in shock.

"N-No," Stan replied, a little too quickly for Cartman's convincing. The raven haired boy proceeded to wipe his eyes with his arm. "I told you, I don't feel good. I think maybe I have a cold-"

He was interrupted when he suddenly found himself being firmly pushed against the wall. Cartman was determined to get the truth out of his friend, even if he had to- politely- force it out. In a "dominant and aggressive-" as that asshole Caesar put it- manner, he pushed his friend against the wall, pinning him there by his shoulders.

"Don't lie to me." Cartman said.

Stan could only blink in shock at his friend. He couldn't tell if he was pissed or concerned. Probably both, but why?

Realizing it was too hard to make eye contact, Stan turned his head away. "I'm not lying. I said it's nothing to worry about."

"I know a crying face when I see one," Cartman accused, recalling his own pathetic stance upon the horrors that took place at his house before he left.

"Yeah, okay. Fine. I was. What the hell do you want from me, Cartman?"

Cartman bit his lip. That _was_ a fair question.

Well, he wanted to know why, of course. But then again, he probably already knew.

Stan's family was fucked up, and it was no secret he was depressed deep down. He never recovered from his diagnoses back in elementary school. Hell, Cartman wouldn't be surprised if he never stopped relying on Vodka to move on. He didn't make a big deal out of it like those goth kids at school, but it had always been there. So, knowing all this, what answer was he pushing his friend for exactly?

"Why were you crying in the bathroom, instead of your bedroom?" Cartman asked thoughtlessly before he could stop himself. Why would he ask that, why was that the first question to come to mind?

The answer was clear in Stan's lack of one. "I... I..." He stuttered, getting nervous.

Cartman recalled hearing that the goth kids at school would wallow in their pain in the bathroom, to make it easier to clean up the mess after they-

No.

Oh God.

"Stan...," Cartman addressed his friend by name to show his genuineness. "Do you... cut?"

Stan's eyes widened in mortification. His only response was to hold up his wrists and show Cartman his bare skin, glad he was wearing a T-shirt instead of his usual long sleeve sleeping wear.

His wrists were clean, though. No scratches or marks.

"Oh..." Cartman sighed, feeling dumbfounded. "Sorry, dude, I didn't mean to-" he trailed off as he slid his hands down Stan's arms in an attempt to comfort him, but he was taken aback by the hiss of pain that escaped the athlete's lips.

"Wait...," Cartman squinted his eyes in thought. It wasn't until then that Stan started to struggle weakly against him.

"Cartman... let me go, please...," he said in a quiet voice, the closest thing to a puppy's whimper a human could manage.

Despite how pitiful he sounded, Cartman did not cease his hold. Instead, he did what Stan was really hoping he wouldn't do- he pushed up Stan's shirt sleeves to reveal the scars and stitches and fresh new cuts on his forearms.

Stan looked absolutely horrified. In Cartman's shock, he had lessened his strong grip on the smaller boy. Stan took that chance to shove the dirty blonde off of him and roll his sleeves back down.

Cartman stood and looked at his friend in astonishment. While the circumstances made it seem obvious now, he couldn't believe Stan had been doing this.

"Dude...," was all he could manage to say.

* * *

"How long?" Cartman asked as he dabbed a wet cloth against Stan's shoulder along the new cut, earning a hiss of pain from him.

"Sorry," the larger boy murmured, his features contorting in sadness.

"Since fourth grade." Stan answered dully, his sad eyes not leaving the floor.

"Fourth grade? Damn, dude. After all these years, you're still doing it? Shit." Cartman was taken aback. He had known Stan for such a long time, and never would have expected this, somehow. "I can't believe it. Does anyone know about this?"

Stan shook his head.

"Nobody at all? Not even Kyle?"

Another shake of the head.

"Huh." Normally, Cartman would revel in the fact that he knew something about Stan that Kyle didn't. It made him feel sort of nice and gave him a lot of closure. But he would've preferred a different secret if it were up to him. Not something like this. Although he supposed it was good that he knew about this, so maybe he could do something to stop it.

Stan was perfect in Cartman's eyes. This was his only flaw. The sting of tears could be felt welling up in Cartman's own eyes. The thought of Stan doing this to himself made _him_ want to cry. Stan was so beautiful...

 _Beautiful? Ugh, why do I even question it anymore?_ He groaned mentally.

Yes, Stan was beautiful. If only Cartman could get him to realize that, maybe he wouldn't hurt his beautiful self. But how can you convince someone of something that's against something they've believed for six years? It wouldn't be easy. But Cartman was determined to do it.

When he finished cleaning it with the cloth, he dipped a cotton ball into some alcohol. "This is gonna sting." Cartman warned.

Stan wasn't fazed, he just sighed quietly, showing no signs of protest. The dirty blonde hesitantly squeezed several drops of alcohol onto the cut. The athlete flinched, his eyes squeezing shut in pain, a single tear running down his slightly pink cheek.

"I'm sorry," he heard Cartman whisper quietly with each drop. God, he felt so pathetic. He was getting so close to Cartman and he felt as though he had ruined everything by allowing himself to be caught. His reputation, and what little dignity he had left, took a hard hit. Even though Cartman _seemed_ friendlier nowadays, this _was_ Cartman. What would he think, what would he do? Would he tell Kyle? His parents?

Shit, he could feel his wall crumbling again. He was going to cry again.

Stan was lost in his thoughts as Cartman finished treating the wounds, and wrapped the white cloth around them. "It should be fine now... I hope... I just hope it doesn't get infected, or anything...," Cartman trailed off as he noticed Stan putting his face in his hands, his shoulders trembling and letting out soft, muffled sobs.

 _Shit. Not good._ Cartman thought, beginning to panic. What the hell was he supposed to do? He had never been in this situation before. He had never felt obligated to prevent this situation from getting any worse. He was normally the one to _cause_ it to get worse. But he had to do something.

"Stan..."

No response.

 _Damn it. What do I do?!_

"Just... go away, Cartman." Stan mumbled miserably. Cartman, taking offense to that, was about to snap back before Stan continued, "I don't want you to see me like this."

"Stan...," he tried again. Stan seriously wanted him to leave? He guessed he could understand why, but there was no way he could bring himself to do that. He did the only thing he could think of. He pulled his friend into the most passionate and comforting hug he could muster.

The other boy was surprised, to say the least. His hands arms had been forced to his sides, leaving his teary face open to rest against Cartman's shoulder. It took him a moment to process what was happening.

Eric Cartman was hugging him.

Something must have been _really_ wrong.

...

No. Even in a scheme, Cartman would never force himself to do something like this. Stan knew that much. This was out of genuine sympathy that made Stan's heart melt. He freed and wrapped his bandaged arms around the other's neck. A smile played onto his lips when he thought about the fact that Cartman's large size made him very comfortable, plushable and huggable. "Thanks, Eric." He said, relaxing in the other's embrace.

"N-No problem, buddy." Now it was Cartman's turn to melt. He really liked the sound of that, coming from Stan's mouth. The both of them fell asleep like that in Stan's bed.

* * *

 **I know that was slightly depressing but, can't have a love story without a little angst! XD tbc!**

 **suhamakittenII, I _definitely_ found you on tumblr! XD**


	5. Turf War

**heyy sorry for not updating in awhile but I been busy with college registration and studying for accuplacer and taking the accuplacer and making appointments with an adviser and registering for classes and buying books and clothes and supplies, is it hot in here?**

 **anyway here's the update, posting early in the morning cause it's the only time I can cause I have work this morning, can I get some free time please thanks ;3;**

* * *

Stan woke up first the next morning, yawning tiredly and stretching.

Well, attempting to stretch. He could only move one arm as he started to become self-aware, and realized that he was being spooned by Cartman.

His pretty blue eyes blinked in a state of stun. He would've panicked and shrugged Cartman off, in fear of one of his parents or his sister walking in and seeing them like this, but he didn't. He was comfortable. His eyes averted to his slightly rolled up sleeve, revealing the bandages that clung to his forearm. His eyes watered at the thought. He wasn't sure if he could bring himself to continue his actions, but he also wasn't sure if he could have the self control to stop.

His thoughts were interrupted by his cell phone buzzing away on the nightstand. He rubbed his eye and reached over to pick it up and press it to his ear, speaking in a soft, quiet voice.

"Hello?"

"Hey Stan."

"Hey Kyle," Stan shifted in his bed, snuggling into his sheets. "What's up?"

"Wanna hang out today?" Kyle asked.

"Sure. What did you have in mind?"

"Well I think I kinda need to stop spending so much money, so I think it would be cool to just hang out at my house or your house."

"Yeah. Sounds good," Stan agreed. He turned his head to look at Cartman's peaceful sleeping face. "You know Cartman will be with us too though."

"...he's still at your house?" Kyle asked on the other end.

"Yeah."

The redhead pinched his nose in frustration. He couldn't handle everything he felt about that situation. It made him angry. It made him protective and possessive of Stan. It made him jealous. He grit his teeth, "alright."

"Cool," Stan said. "So, my house or your-"

"I'll be over as soon as I can!" Kyle interrupted forcefully, and hung up. He took a moment to put his head in his hands. He couldn't sit by any longer. He proceeded to pack a multi-night bag and storm downstairs.

"Oh Bubba, you're just in time for breakfast," his mother addressed him from the kitchen.

"No thanks, mom, I gotta go!" Kyle called back, sliding his boots onto his feet.

"Where are you off to?"

"I'm going to Stan's for awhile!" He said, and with that, was out the door.

* * *

Stan blinked on the other end, putting his phone down.

 _What was that about?_ He thought before sitting up. Cartman's arm had gently slid off, but didn't wake him. The raven haired boy slowly got out of bed, not to wake the other and went to the bathroom to shower.

As he removed his shirt, he also carefully removed Cartman's bandaging. This was also normally the time he would leave more cuts, right before his morning shower. He eyed the razor blade for what seemed like a long while. He hesitantly reached for it, and held onto it for a few seconds, just hovering it in the air. After a short while, he put it back down.

Later, Stan was walking out of the restroom in normal clothes- a white sweater with dark blue jeans and white socks, ruffling his black hair with a towel to dry it off. He heard the doorbell ring.

That was fast, Stan thought as he made his way down the stairs to answer it. As he thought, he was greeted by Kyle.

"Stan!" Kyle immediately threw his arms around the other, embracing him in a tight hug. "I missed you!"

"It's only been a couple days," Stan chuckled, returning the hug.

"I know," Kyle replied, making his way inside and taking off his boots. "Where's Cartman?"

"Sleeping," Stan answered.

"Oh!" _Perfect._ Kyle would definitely try to keep Stan all to himself as long as he could.

"I brought a a game over," Kyle said, digging through his bag and pulling it out. "God of War- _Remastered_!" He said dramatically.

"Whoa," Stan said, taking the case and looking at it. "This came out?"

"Yeah dude, a few days ago. Wanna play?"

"Uh, yeah," Stan smiled at his friend, leading him into the living room so they could play.

About an hour passed before Eric Cartman slowly stirred from his sleep, grumbling as the light burned his eyes with every attempt to open them. They adjusted eventually and he looked around the room, surprised to find Stan missing.

Probably making breakfast again, Cartman thought with a smile. As if on cue, his tummy rumbled. He forced himself out of bed and popped every bone before going downstairs.

"Good morning, star shine, how the hell are we doing today?!-," he called loudly and cheerfully as he walked down the steps, but froze at what he saw.

His Stan, and the Jew. Playing games.

 _No. Oh **hell** no._

"Morning, Cartman," Stan said, turning his head to smile at him.

"Morning, Cartman," Kyle said after him, in a cheery, obnoxious voice- and gave him a sly smile- which Cartman could definitely sense he did on purpose. He grit his teeth.

 _Challenge accepted, you dirty little Jew!_

"Stan," Cartman nodded in his direction to greet him. "And Kyle." It slithered out of his mouth like an angry snake. "What brings you here?"

"Just want to hang out with my best friend, that's all," Kyle answered simply, turning his attention back to the game.

The tension didn't go unnoticed by Stan, but he ignored it. Maybe it was good to have them both here. Maybe he could help them to get along somehow.

Or maybe he was overestimating himself.

Cartman did not take Kyle's response lightly and tensed up. "Mm-hmm," he hummed, making his way down the stairs completely and sitting on the opposite side of Stan. "Can I play?"

Stan paused the game for a moment to pass Cartman a controller. "Yeah."

Cartman smiled. "Sweet."

The three of them sat in silence for awhile, focusing on the game.

"These graphics kick ass," Cartman commented lightly.

"Way better than the last game." Stan agreed.

"Well, yeah, they're supposed to be," Kyle laughed. "That's why it has 'remastered' in the name."

"You should remaster your face," Cartman twitched his nose.

"Shut up, fatass," Kyle groaned back. Stan said nothing. Maybe he was overlooking it, but there didn't seem to be any tension. Just harmless- as far as that goes for Kyle and Cartman- teasing. He and the other two boys focused on the game for several more hours before getting bored.

Kyle put down his controller and leaned back, stretching a bit. "So what do you guys wanna do now?"

"You decide, you're the guests." The raven haired boy replied, taking the opportunity to poke Kyle in the side while he was stretching.

Kyle yelped and quickly covered his sides with his arms. "Stan!"

"Sorry," said boy replied slyly. "Couldn't resist-" it was his turn to flinch when he felt the same action done to him from the opposite side. His hands also flew over to cover his stomach, and turned his head to be greeted by a close Cartman.

"Quit ignoring me guys!" He whined. "Let's eat. I'm hungry."

Kyle refrained from making a comment as he stood up. "I kinda am, too."

"I'm sorry, guys," Stan winced. "I didn't even think about food. I should probably feed my guests."

"You're not some house maid, silly," Kyle replied, putting his hand atop Stan's head. "You'd look cute in a maid costume, though!"

Stan felt his cheeks burn. "That's not happening."

"It could."

"No way."

Cartman blinked as he listened to the conversation. It was incredible how conspicuous the Jew was and yet it went unnoticed by Stan. Or maybe it didn't, and he just ignored it, Cartman didn't know. He hoped for the latter.

"Hey," Cartman was the second to stand up. "You guys are ignoring me again!"

"Sorry," Stan said, standing up as well and making his way into the kitchen.

Kyle turned to Cartman, "you sound like a five year old."

"And you sound like a porn star," Cartman replied simply.

Kyle calmly closed his eyes. "Just thinking out loud."

"People don't wanna hear that shit," Cartman stuck out his tongue.

"Good thing you don't count as a person, then."

"Of course I'm a person, I'm not Jewish."

"Get a new line, R-Tard!"

"Guys," Stan called from the kitchen. "Enough."

"Sorry," the dirty blonde and the redhead mumbled harmoniously as they sat down at the table.

"We're almost out of food... all we really have is cereal." Stan sighed, pouring his guests a bowl.

"Dude, seriously, where are you parents? And why aren't they buying food?" Kyle looked at his friend sadly.

"I don't know," Stan said, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Probably too busy getting drunk and having affairs or something."

It was silent for a moment, both boys at the table at a loss for words. They both felt bad, especially Cartman who, compared to Stan, and despite feeling wonderful here, still had better living conditions in his current situation than Stan did his whole life. Cartman's mom might have had strange tactics, but Cartman still knew deep down she did it out of love, for his own good. But pure, constant child neglecting and intolerable sinful behavior? No wonder Stan cut. He had enough shit to deal with at school, Wendy breaking his heart a few years ago, making him feel worthless, unattractive and lonely, and he had to come home to this every day?

 _Brutal. Unacceptable._

But what the hell was Cartman supposed to do about it?

"I'm sorry," Stan looked down at the floor. "I shouldn't be talking about that. I didn't mean to bum you guys out."

"It's okay," Kyle said. "I'm always here if you wanna talk, Stan."

"I am too," Cartman piped in quickly, irritated at the fact that Kyle dismissed his presence and role as Stan's friend. Kyle's eyebrows furrowed as he looked over at said boy for a moment.

"Thanks guys." Stan said, but both boys could tell he was uninterested at the offer, like he believed it wouldn't help. The last of the cereal filled the second bowl.

"Damn," Stan cursed silently, setting the empty box down. He poured the milk and retrieved two spoons, giving the bowls to Kyle and Cartman.

Kyle blinked at his friend. "Aren't you going to have any?"

"Not hungry," Stan said as he sat down at the table, folding his arms and resting his chin on them tiredly.

"...that was the last of the cereal, wasn't it?"

Stan said nothing. Just slightly averted his eyes to the side.

"Just have some of mine," Kyle pushed his bowl towards his best friend.

"I said I'm not hungry, it's fine." Stan pushed the bowl back.

"Damn it, Stan!" Kyle yelled angrily, his chair pushing back loudly as he stood up. "Why the hell do you have to be so damn stubborn?!"

Stan was unfazed as he shrugged.

"Just eat some, damn it!" Kyle took a spoon full and tried to spoon feed it to Stan.

"Agh- Kyle!" Stan turned his face away from the spoon.

Cartman was about to chime in and tell Kyle to back off, but he found himself contemplating on why Stan would be so set on not eating. He's normally brush it off as him being athletic, or hippie, or both, that limited his eating habits, but after discovering Stan's secret, Cartman couldn't help but wonder if Stan starved himself, too. Maybe he was reading too much into it, but either way, he would fix it.

"Kyle's right," Cartman commented, causing the two other boys to pause. "You should really eat. Take some of mine, too." Cartman offered his bowl to Stan.

Kyle blinked in the larger male's direction, but didn't give himself too much time to be surprised before turning his attention back to Stan. "Yeah. Eat."

"Fine, if it'll shut you two up," Stan mumbled and took the spoon, eating a little from both bowls.

"Good," Kyle sat back down triumphantly and crossed his arms. "You are so annoying sometimes!" He scolded.

Stan didn't reply, but his eyelids dropped slightly. Like it hurt to hear that. Cartman noticed.

Did Kyle always talk to Stan like that? And did Stan just sit there and take it?

How he desperately wished he could remove Kyle from the picture.

"That was rude, Kyle," Cartman pointed out, looking at the redhead angrily.

"I know, and I'm sorry," Kyle rubbed his temples angrily. "But Stan won't freakin' listen unless you yell at him!"

Again, Stan remained quiet, hesitantly putting down the spoon and pushing the bowl back to Kyle.

"Stop, Kyle," Cartman said genuinely.

Kyle sighed deeply and buried his face in his hands. "Just.. don't tell me what to do, Cartman." He said, the words muffled by his hands, but they were heard clearly from said boy.

"Sorry if I'm a little concerned that you have some pretty serious fucking anger issues, you damn redheads, and you're hurting Stan cause of it!" Cartman hissed back.

"Guys, _stop!_ " Stan yelled, covering his ears. "Quit talking about me like I'm not here."

Cartman and Kyle were both taken aback. It was rare for Stan to raise his voice, but they both knew what they were doing was inappropriate and shut their mouths. Stan got out of his seat and walked back into the living room, rubbing his aching forehead with the back of his wrist.

Kyle quickly went after him, "I'm sorry, Stan, I'm sorry. Please don't walk away. Please?" He pleaded desperately, unknowing Stan had only intended to settle in the other room for a moment, to get away from the tension that was brewing in the air. Kyle gripped his friend's hand in his own. "Don't leave."

"I'm not going anywhere," Stan deadpanned and turned around to look Kyle in the eye. "Chill out."

"You're mad at me...," Kyle's eyes watered sadly as he looked down to the floor. "I made you mad at me." A single cheer ran down his cheek as he started to cry quietly.

If Stan had actually been feeling any anger towards his friend, it was gone in a heartbeat as he took Kyle's shoulders in his hands, rubbing them soothingly with his thumbs. "I'm not mad, Kyle. Please don't cry."

Kyle sniffed for a moment longer before embracing Stan in a hug. "I'm sorry for yelling at you Stan."

"It's okay," Stan said calmly, and returned the hug, running his long fingers through Kyle's soft hair. "I'm not mad."

"I just.. wish you would take b-better care of yourself," Kyle whimpered into Stan's shirt.

Stan had nothing to say to that and remained quiet, until an annoyed clearing of the throat was heard from behind them. Kyle turned to face an unamused Cartman.

"If you two are done shooting the scene for your chick-flick, we should finish eating."

Stan nodded in agreement and gently pried Kyle off of him before the three returned to the kitchen.

 _Maybe this isn't a good idea_ , they all thought in unison.

* * *

 **oooh kyle's there now, I wonder if things will get better or worse XD tbc!**


	6. Condoning

"Ooh, guys! Scary Movie IV is out!" Kyle reminded his friends gleefully as he scrolled through his phone, looking for things the three of them could do. The two other boys perked up from their bored stance.

"Alright, I've still got some money left. Oh, but I've only got enough for one ticket...," Stan frowned.

"That's okay, I have enough for tickets and food," Kyle smiled at his best friend.

Cartman cleared his throat awkwardly. "Uh, I don't have any money."

It was silent for a moment as Stan and Kyle shot each other a glance, wondering what to do. Stan obviously couldn't do anything about it, so Kyle chimed in.

"I can pay for you too, Cartman," the redhead said, looking over and simpering at the larger boy.

"You're seriously?" Cartman asked in disbelief. Not that he was complaining, but he was confused as hell. But, he wasn't about to get picky. "Oh, uh- thanks, Kyle!"

"No problem," Kyle replied before looking back to Stan, who shot him a smile. The Jew smiled back. He had accepted by now that in order to stay on Stan's good side, he was going to have to try to get along with Cartman. It seemed to be working so far. He only hoped Cartman would catch on. And if said boy was actually serious about wanting to be Stan's friend, he would. It was like a test to Kyle that he was curious to see Cartman pass.

Until Cartman proved otherwise, Kyle would hold on to the idea that he was only doing all this for personal gain.

When they arrived at the movie theaters, Stan bought his ticket separately while Kyle covered himself and Cartman. They headed inside and the redheaded boy purchased a large popcorn for them to share and three sodas. When they settled in the actual theater, things started to get interesting.

The three of them sat in silence (with Stan sitting in the middle, of course) while they concentrated on the previews. There were hardly any good movies coming out soon, in fact, most of them looked pretty ludicrous. They did have a bit of fun poking holes in the commercials.

"Super Girl? Really?" Kyle's eyebrows furrowed at the announcement of the new television program.

"Rule 63, dude," Cartman said before grabbing a large handful of popcorn and stuffing his face.

Kyle looked over at him. "What's rule 63?"

"Internet rule 63. Whenever there's a badass character, they're always gonna make an opposite gender version of them."

Kyle twitched his nose as he looked back to the screen. "That's annoying."

"Yeah, pretty faggy," Cartman ate some more large handfuls of popcorn. Stan sat silently, listening to their conversation, picking out single pieces of popcorn with two fingers gingerly and eating them. It was strange to hear the two of them having a pretty normal conversation that didn't involve shouting.

Strangely good, of course. Maybe this would work itself out after all.

"Are you sure you should be eating this, Stan?" Cartman addressed him suddenly, pulling him from his thoughts.

"What?"

"Should you be eating this popcorn? It has butter on it!" Cartman teased, slightly nudging Stan's arm.

"I already told you I'm not a vegan," Stan groaned, but smiled slightly as he ate a few more pieces and took a drink of his soda.

"What's the difference?" Cartman snorted, reaching his hand into the bucket- only to find nothing left. Kyle and Stan blinked as they both peered into the empty abyss that was their popcorn.

"Wh- Cartman, the movie hasn't even started yet and you ate all the popcorn!" Kyle scolded.

"Hey, you guys were eating it too!" Cartman defended.

"Barely," Stan laughed and stood up, hugging the bucket to himself. "It's okay. Free refills, right? I'll be right back." Stan scooted his way past people in the row as he walked down the steps and disappeared into the hallway leading into the main lobby.

Kyle and Cartman sat in awkward silence. The dirty blonde adjusted in his seat and laid back, sprawling his large body out to cover the seat completely. Kyle fiddled with the straw sticking out of the lid on his cup. The previews still played dully in front of them. Eventually, Kyle broke the silence.

"So, Stan tells me you ran away from home."

Cartman broke out of his zoned-out trance and looked over at the Jew. "Huh?"

"You ran away?" Kyle repeated, also forming it into a question, his green eyes meeting Cartman's large brown ones.

"Oh. Yeah." Cartman anxiously turned his attention back to the screen, not wanting to have this conversation-especially not with Kyle.

"Why?" Kyle pressed, tilting his head curiously.

"Because my mom's a bitch. Now do you mind? I'm trying to watch."

"You're not interested in watching the previews," Kyle rolled his eyes at Cartman's lame excuse. "Of all the places you could have gone, why'd you go to Stan's? You guys hardly even interact." Kyle stated, trying to make conversation, and at the same time, press Cartman for answers behind his potential wrong-doing.

"Yeah, well, maybe that's why I went to Stan's."

"What?"

" _Because_ we haven't interacted much. Meaning he was the only one who probably wouldn't reject me the moment he saw me on his doorstep."

Kyle blinked and slowly turned his head back in front of them. Cartman did have a point. Now that he thought of it, if Cartman had shown up at his house, and Kyle knew he was there, he wouldn't have even answered the door. He wouldn't have answered because he would've been oblivious to the situation. That Cartman felt so wounded that he actually felt the need to run away from home. He couldn't help the twinge of guilt he felt pulling at his mind.

"Sorry," he mumbled genuinely. It was the only thing he could think to say, honestly. Despite his short tempter, Kyle _did_ think of himself as an honest-to-good guy, who was caring. But how could he call himself compassionate when he would've rejected someone in need without even considering why? Kyle's conscience pestered him obnoxiously about this whole mess.

"It's fine," Cartman deadpanned, taking a drink of his soda.

"So you really, really are doing this because you need it, not to piss me off or something?" Kyle asked.

A small smirk painted itself on Cartman's face. "Yeah. But if it pisses you off, that's a bonus."

Kyle wanted to snap back, but he was smart enough to tell the difference between banter and genuine insult. He said nothing as he saw Stan coming back up the steps with a full bucket in his arms. _Thank God._

Stan sat comfortably in between the two again just in time for the movie to start. Kyle was having a difficult time concentrating, as a result of him being lost as hell in his own thoughts.

Cartman seemed like he was telling the truth when he explained the reason behind his motives. But it still bothered Kyle that the two were getting so close. Not that Stan couldn't have other friends, but Kyle couldn't help it. He became jealous of anything that made its way close to his best friend. He was scared Stan might lose interest in him and start to like Cartman more. Well, he was sure that would never happen, because he knew Stan too well, but the thought still scared him.

But he had to make _sure_ that never happened.

The redhead glanced down at the popcorn to catch Stan's hand reaching inside to grab a piece. Kyle purposely slithered his hand inside too, making them meet together, like a scene from a cheesy romance movie. Stan blinked and looked over at his friend.

"Sorry," Kyle smiled innocently and pulled his hand out, turning back to the movie. Stan smiled fondly before also doing so, much to Cartman's disgust. Two could play at that game.

When the next jumpscare happened, Cartman made a scene by jumping in his seat and clinging to Stan's arm. This took Stan by surprise as he shot the other male a curious glance.

"S-Sorry," Cartman laughed nervously. "I never handled horror movies very well."

It was true, he didn't. But he wasn't about to let Kyle and Stan go to the movies alone.

"I didn't know," Stan whispered back. "Do you want to leave?"

"No," Cartman said, detaching himself from the black-haired boy and noticing the glare emitting from Kyle. "I'll be okay."

"Alright... if it becomes too much, tell me and we can go." Stan put a hand on his shoulder before continuing watching the movie.

Cartman felt his heart flutter. Stan was so nice to him. He felt like he didn't really deserve it.

 _Because we haven't interacted much. Meaning he was the only one who probably wouldn't reject me the moment he saw me on his doorstep._

Cartman sighed quietly to himself. If Stan knew him better, would he have accepted him into his care? Maybe Kyle was right. Maybe Cartman was so screwed up in the head, he really was taking advantage of Stan without even realizing it.

"I need the loo," he stated bluntly before getting up. "Tell me what I miss." Cartman excused himself to the restroom.

"I'm gonna go, too," Kyle said, smiling at Stan. "Be right back."

"Don't be gone too long," Stan looked at Kyle in mock sadness. He was only half joking, but it still made Kyle feel bad for leaving Stan here alone for however long. He really did feel the need to talk to Cartman, though.

"I won't," Kyle replied, resisting the urge to give Stan a small amount of affection before leaving, like a couple would- a stroke of the cheek, or a kiss on the forehead, a squeeze of the hand- but he refrained. He made his way down the steps and followed Cartman to the restroom.

* * *

Kyle wasn't surprised to find Cartman standing in front of the mirror rather than actually doing what he implied he needed to do.

"Cartman?"

Said boy hissed in frustration. He couldn't believe the Jew followed him here. "What?"

"Are you... okay?" Kyle blinked, walking up and standing beside the other boy, resting his arms on the counter.

Cartman was silent for what seemed a long while. Why the hell wouldn't Kyle just leave him alone? It was because Kyle wanted to prove to the two, and himself, that he was capable of showing compassion to anybody- even Cartman. But the dirty blonde couldn't really grasp that concept. Nonetheless, he answered. "No."

"What's wrong? You can tell me."

"Why the hell would I do that?" Cartman spat, looking angrily at Kyle. "What the hell do you want from me?"

Kyle could sense the anger brewing and was thankful there was no one else in the bathroom. "I want to know what's wrong. Really, that's all I want."

"Why, so you can make fun of me for it?"

"No," Kyle replied, annoyed. "Because I'd like to help."

" _You_ want to help _me_? Yeah right. Tell me again after pigs start flying."

"Don't talk to me like I'm some kind of heartless prick," Kyle snapped back. "It's your fault that we're this way. Face it, Cartman, you know that you've always been the heartless one, not me. I'm trying to put that aside and help you, and you're not making it easy for me."

Cartman looked away forcefully. He knew Kyle was right, but what was he supposed to do about it? It's not like he could just change their entire past and make everything sunshine and rainbows between them. "Well, sorry for being a heartless asshole growing up, but I can't do anything about it now."

"I'm not asking you to," Kyle's voice softened.

"Then what are you asking?"

"I'm just asking what's wrong."

Cartman sighed heavily in defeat. He saw no other option than to explain the situation to the nagging Jew. Several emotions swarmed in those vivid emerald eyes with each word. It went from amusing to horrifying. Nobody deserved to be treated like an animal. Not eve Cartman.

"I'm sorry," Kyle said, looking down. He knew those words probably didn't change anything, but he really couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Yeah," Cartman deadpanned back, like he didn't believe it.

"I'm serious, Cartman." Kyle determinedly stepped in front of the larger boy, within poking distance to get his attention. "I really am sorry. Nobody should have to go through that."

Cartman winced slightly. Was Kyle really sorry for him? He sighed and looked back at the mirror. "Thanks, Jew."

Kyle smiled slightly. "No problem, fatass."

It was peacefully quiet for a moment before Kyle spoke again. "We should go back to the movie. I left poor Stan in there all by himself."

"Nice going," Cartman said as he pushed his way past the door and headed back to the theater, followed by Kyle who simply rolled his eyes.

* * *

When the movie was over, the three of them walked back through Stan's front door, all laughing.

"Dude, I can't believe you spilled coke all over yourself," Kyle laughed. Truth be told, in one of Cartman's attempts to glue himself to Stan, he managed to pop the lid off his drink he forgot he was holding and drench himself in the dark, sugary liquid. Stan was laughing about it too, while Cartman was unamused.

"I did it on purpose, because I like coke so much," he thought of a lame excuse and blurted it out in his defense.

"Sure you did," Stan chimed in with a wipe of his eye. "We should probably wash that shirt."

"Okay, but all my other shirts I brought are dirty too," Cartman pointed out.

"We can wash them all."

"Yeah, but I'll have no shirt to wear. I doubt any of your shirts will fit me," he mumbled, earning another laugh from Kyle.

"Maybe you can wear one of my dad's flannels," Stan said as he made his way up the stairs, followed by Cartman and Kyle. Kyle really had no reason to tag along, but he felt the need to do it anyway.

Stan rummaged through his parents' closet and pulled a button up shirt from a hanger and gave it to Cartman, who went to the bathroom to change. He pulled his sticky shirt over his head and wiped his chest off with a wet cloth before sliding the flannel on. He couldn't button it, but it was better than nothing. He blushed a little before stepping out of the bathroom and handing Stan his shirt.

"Thanks," Stan laughed at the situation and went to the washing machine, which Kyle had already started getting ready for him as a nice gesture. "Thanks, Kyle."

"You're welcome," Kyle smiled and added the shirt to the load and threw it in. Cartman crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, listening to his clothes tumble about in the machine. At about that time, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Stan said, wondering who would be at their house. He opened the door and was surprised to find a sobbing Liane Cartman.

"H-Hello Stanley." She said, her words muffled by a cloth she used to keep her tears at bay. "I was wondering if... you've seen my son anywhere?"

* * *

 **hey guys, sorry to end it on kind of a cliffy XD but fear not, I've already got like half the next chapter written so it won't be too long a wait.  
**

 **suhhamakitten thanks for understanding dear n.n i'm glad you're liking it!**

 **AriJustAri i'm glad you like it! thanks for the kind words! and welcome to the S.S. Stanman, we're happy to have you XDD**

 **ciao!**


	7. Departure

Stan stared blankly at her. What should he do? Turn Cartman in, or lie to her face? Both seemed like the wrong, and right thing to do. "Uh, why?" He asked.

"He- he ran away from home. It's been almost two weeks. I didn't look for him at first because I thought... I thought he would come back, but he didn't." She sobbed.

"...why did he run away?" Stan asked.

Liane sighed shakily in shame. "You know how he is... how he could be. H-He was out of control. Even now in his teenage years. I needed help. I tried to get help from some of the best nannies and sitters in the world, b-but nothing worked. So I hired... the Dog Whisperer."

"The... Dog Whisperer..?" Stan asked in confusion. It was one of the most ridiculous things he had ever heard.

"Yes," she admitted, and the teen could detect the shame in her voice. "I didn't realize how... degrading the whole thing was."

"Yeah... that's pretty stupid," Stan deadpanned.

"I know!" Liane cried. "I'm sorry, I'd never do it again if I could just find my poopsie!"

"Well... good luck finding him," Stan said, trying to sound genuine and avoiding confrontation with Cartman without lying.

Liane nodded sadly and turned away, walking to the next house down the street. Stan slowly shut the door before leaning his back against it. Did he do the right thing by turning her away or not? Stan's own parents might have neglected him beyond grief, but he'd take that over literally being treated like a mutt. At the same time she seemed honestly penitent and concerned. She must have been hurting at the loss of her son. But Stan doubted Cartman wanted to go back.

He suddenly felt like he didn't particularly like being part of this situation.

* * *

Meanwhile upstairs, Kyle sat atop the washing machine, rocking his legs back and fourth while Cartman stayed pressed against the wall.

"So how long are you planning on staying here?" Cartman asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Kyle scoffed. "That should be my question to you."

Cartman's eyes squinted. "Stan said I'm welcome to stay as long as I want."

"Well then I am too."

"Isn't it kind of rude to barge in on us like that?" Cartman crossed his arms accusingly. He earned a look of hatred from the redhead.

" _I'm_ barging in on _you_ and Stan? You do realize that Stan and I have been best friends since pre-school." The redhead raised a brow.

"So?"

"So _I_ know him better, and he likes _me_ better, and _I'm_ more welcome here than you are, and _you're_ the one barging in on _us_!"

Cartman was unfazed. "You can't speak for Stan when you say all that." He smiled amusingly. "Maybe in the time we've spent together, he's grown to think of me as his best friend instead."

Kyle felt his cheeks turn fiery red in anger. What the hell? He had tried being nice to Cartman and he was getting this crap in return?

"No way, fatass." Kyle hopped down from the washing machine to stand his firm ground. "You've pulled a lot of shit in the past, but this isn't something I can let you get away with!"

"What?"

"You're not taking Stan from me!"

"Don't talk about him like he's an object," Cartman smirked at the Jew, who only got angrier.

"Since when the hell do you regard someone's feelings like this? And I'm not treating him like an object. But he's mine, okay? So just... b-back off!" Tears started to roll down Kyle's cheeks, but he didn't notice.

Cartman glared daggers at Kyle before speaking. "I know all about your little crush on him. You say you've been best friends since pre-school, and yet you're still nothing more than that."

"That's none of your business!" Kyle snapped back.

"Oh, but it is now, isn't it? Why haven't you made a move on him, Kyle? Is it because you're afraid you'll ruin the closeness you've developed with him over all these years, which by the way, is no more than the closeness I've developed with him in only a matter of days?"

"You are not better for him than me, you asshole!" Kyle's heart was pounding with rage.

"Says the one who yells at him and calls him names for not eating his cereal," Cartman rubbed the tip of his thumb against his pointer finger in a smug stance. "And then there's me, who cleans and bandages his self-inflicted wounds."

Kyle's heart stopped. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Yeah, you sure do know him better," Cartman mocked. "Could've fooled me."

"Quit playing games and tell me what the hell you mean!" Kyle gripped the collar on Randy's flannel that Cartman wore.

"I caught Stan cutting himself the other night. I caught him and helped him treat the cuts. And I don't think he's done it again since then, whereas he apparently did it every day before then."

Kyle gently released his hold on the collar and stepped back a bit in disbelief. "You're lying."

"Am not."

"I've seen his wrists, they don't have scars on them."

Cartman raised a finger. "He knows people would see his wrists so he cut his forearm instead."

"You damn liar," Kyle hissed. "You're just saying that to seem all high and mighty. Stan would've told me something like that."

Cartman was about to retort, but pursed his lips.

Right. Stan would've told Kyle something like that. If he wanted Kyle to know.

But he hadn't.

So he didn't.

 _Shit._

"Okay, you caught me," the larger make averted his brown eyes off to the side. "I'm lying... of course." _Nice save, dumbass._ He thought bitterly. "But anyway, it's not like Stan can't have more than one friend."

"But that's not what you want," Kyle replied with more sincerity than Cartman expected.

"What?"

"I see the way you're acting. You think I don't know what that means? You've fallen in love with him, too, haven't you?"

"What? You're fucking insane."

"You have, haven't you?" Kyle asked, taking this into consideration. At first, he thought Cartman was faking it. Taking advantage of Stan's compassion. Acting all clingy to make Kyle jealous. But maybe he was wrong.

After all, Stan was to die for. Girls and guys alike fell for him like a skydive. Commoners were powerless against his charm.

Even someone like Cartman.

The dirty blonde was speechless. "I- I'm not... we aren't-" he fumbled for the right words, fiddling with the sleeves of Randy's flannel.

Kyle looked down to the floor. Cartman really had fallen in love with Stan.

Various emotions swam through his heart. He didn't know what to say. The silence was interrupted when they were joined by Stan, who made his way up the stairs.

"Who was at the door?" Cartman breathed, also relieved by the ending of that conversation.

"It was... your mom." Stan replied.

"What? Really?" His big brown eyes widened in disbelief. "She's looking for me?"

"Yeah."

"Wait, is she still there? What did you say to her?"

"I... didn't tell her you were here." The hippie looked to the side. "I sent her on her way. Sorry if that was wrong. I wasn't sure what to do."

"Huh." Cartman leaned against the wall in thought. He couldn't believe his mother was actually searching for him.

He still felt kind of upset, though. And he wasn't ready to leave Stan's house-

"Great, guess that means you can go home then, right?" Kyle chimed in, putting on a fake smile and a phony joyous tone, folding his hands together in front of him. "She probably misses you so much!"

Cartman glared daggers at the redhead. If Stan wasn't standing there, he would've started throwing punches. He was about to object, until he heard Stan's input.

"Kyle's probably right," the black-haired boy agreed. "She seemed miserable. I think you should go back."

...guess he was going home, then.

* * *

After a painfully long reunion with his mother, filled with hugs and kisses and tears and apologies spilling from said woman, Cartman trudged up to his room and flopped down on his back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

 _Can't believe I'm back home. Feels weird. Feels lonely._

He would've been more concerned about this, but Stan had sent Kyle home, too. It was "only fair." He was probably worn out from having guests.

His thoughts clouded over his mind as he groaned into a pillow.

 _School starts again in a couple days,_ he thought. _Then the battle will continue._

* * *

 **tbc' thanks for being patient with meh- XD**


	8. Reparation

Eric Cartman found himself trudging through the thick snow, his hands shoved in his pockets and his face down to the ground. He was in a pretty piss-poor mood that morning. Although his mother had made amends with him, he had an entirely new problem on his hands.

He scoffed as he, once again, painfully made his way towards the bus stop with a fogged mind. The large male had very conflicted feelings. He was happy for school to start again, so he could see Stan. His relationship with the other boy had also made him realize his burning hatred for anyone that _wasn't_ Stan.

Well, except for Kenny and Kyle.

Kenny was still a good buddy of Cartman's, and Kyle well.. he just received a different, special kind of hate from Cartman. Although he could not put forth the same effort, Kyle's attempt at trying to get along with him did not go unnoticed. Part of his mind told him that he was only doing it to please Stan. Another part of him wanted to believe that maybe, aside from Stan's sake, they could actually get along? Never in a million years would Cartman have dreamt of having a scene like that with Kyle in the bathroom at the movies, but it happened.

And anyway, even if Kyle was just putting on an act for Stan, Cartman supposed it was better than not making any effort at all.

He grumbled under his breath. He knew he was going to have to change himself outwardly, but one big problem still remained.

He and the Jew were fighting on opposing sides of the war. Who would eventually win Stan?

His large brown eyes peered up to see he had arrived at his destination. But to his surprise, instead of the three of them, it was only his old friend Kenny, leaning against the sign, a cigarette in hand, free hand in his pocket. The blonde nodded in Cartman's direction as he puffed out some smoke.

Cartman looked around for Stan and Kyle, but saw no sign of them. It was odd, they were normally the first to arrive. He couldn't help the great disappointment he felt bubble in his stomach. He hoped they weren't off doing something together somehow. Nevertheless, he approached his friend and stood next to him.

"Hey Ken." Cartman greeted.

"Hey," the other replied simply, not paying much interest to Cartman's presence. Cartman never took that personally, Kenny was too laid back for his own good.

"I'm probably gonna sound like a huge pussy," the larger male stated, clearing his throat. This caught the blonde's attention as his blue eyes peered over.

"But I wanna ask you a question." Cartman continued, hands fidgeting in his pockets anxiously.

Kenny blinked. "Shoot."

Cartman took a deep, quiet breath. Kenny wasn't the best person to ask about relationship advice. He was a _'no strings attached'_ kind of guy. Didn't feel the need to glue himself to one person. Cartman always admired him for that, until he fell head over heels for his friend Stan. But Kenny was the only one he _could_ talk to about it. He was slightly grateful Stan and Kyle hadn't turned up yet.

"Let's say... you like someone. A lot." He started, his eyes looking up towards the sky, looking for the right words. "And someone else.. also likes that someone. Also a lot. And let's say the other two have known each other for a long time, and you're kind of getting in the way of them.. but you can't really bring yourself to care because of how much you like that someone."

"You're talkin' about Stan and Kyle." Kenny accused, before Cartman even finished.

"What.. shut the fuck up, Kenny! You don't know that! Just let me finish!" Cartman snapped angrily, a small blush forming on his cheeks.

"Sorry," the poor boy rolled his eyes.

"Anyway... you also know that your chances with this someone are very low because of the way you are. And because of general circumstances in general." Cartman was going into more detail than he originally intended. "But the way you are means you usually get what you want. So what... what do you do if it seems like you can't get what you want this time?"

Kenny took the cancer stick out of his mouth and blew a small puff of smoke in Cartman's direction. "What the hell are ya so worried about? There's a thing called polygamy. You'd know if ya paid more attention to me."

"Polygamy..?"

Kenny scoffed as he tossed aside his now used-up cigar. "Come on Cartman. Look at me. Who the hell says ya can't be with more than one person?"

"I.. um..-"

"I'll make it simple. Both you and Kyle- _excuse me,_ I mean both you and 'Person C' can get a piece of... 'Person B.'"

Cartman's mouth hung open. He and the Jew... sharing Stan? There was no fucking way! He couldn't believe Kenny was even suggesting this.

"I'll throw myself into a thorn patch before I let that Jew-rat get his hands on _anything_ that belongs to me!" He screeched angrily before he could stop himself, then covered his mouth afterwards. Did he really just say that?

Kenny's mouth curved into a twisted smile. "You got a better idea, Einstein?"

Cartman's brown eyes averted towards the ground. No, in fact he did not have another idea. But that was rock bottom. He didn't even want to consider it. He would just have to come up with something else to win Stan over.

"Thanks for nothin', Kenny," Cartman huffed and crossed his arms, looking off into the distance.

Kenny shrugged and pulled out another cigarette, also turning his attention back to the quiet nothing that was South Park.

It was silent for a few minutes before Cartman perked up at the sound of someone walking through the deep snow from behind them. He excitedly turned, hoping to see Stan, but instead he saw the Jew, alone.

His shoulders slumped in disappointment. But he'd rather see Kyle come alone than the two of them come together.

"Hey, Jew," Cartman glared at him. "Where's Stan?"

Kyle ignored Cartman's comment. "How am I supposed to know? I assumed he was here already."

Cartman's eyes softened. Kyle didn't know where Stan was either? That couldn't be a good sign. "Oh."

"He's... not here?" Kyle questioned, looking around for his friend.

"Nope."

"Huh." Kyle retreated to his usual standing spot next to Kenny, putting his hands in his pockets.

Cartman frowned, feeling somewhat conflicted. Where was his hippie? He couldn't help but feel slightly worried, but at the same time, he was glad he wouldn't have to watch Kyle cling to Stan like a koala to a tree.

Eventually, the bus came, but no Stan. The three boys climbed onto the bus before it made it's way towards South Park High. Kenny took his seat in the back, looking out the window. Kyle sat a row in front of him, hugging his backpack to himself. He couldn't help but feel lonely since Stan wasn't there to cuddle with him. He, too, was wondering where his friend was.

Kyle was surprised when Cartman made his way over and took a seat next to him.

Green eyes peered into the other's, waiting for an explanation. With a deep sigh, Cartman forced the words out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" Kyle asked.

Cartman mumbled under his breath before continuing. "I'm sorry for acting like a dick the other day."

The redhead blinked, almost unable to believe what he had just hurt. But he wasn't about to turn the other down for it. He knew it couldn't have been easy for him. "It's alright."

The two looked ahead, listening to the chatter around them and the sound of the loud bus moving through the streets. Kyle looked down in his lap, his fingers playing with each other. He bit his lip before speaking, "Hey um. About what you said the other day about Stan cutting.."

Cartman's heart stopped. Uh oh.

"Were you telling the truth?" Kyle looked at the other, pressing him for an answer. "Does Stan.. really do that?"

Cartman's eyes froze as he struggled to find the right words in his mind. Eventually, he sighed. "He did." He let out large breath he didn't realize he was holding. Why did the Jew always have to start conversations like this with him?

Kyle looked away and bit on the tip of his thumb, his eyes drowning in sadness. "Wow. I can't believe I didn't know..."

"Yeah..." Cartman mumbled, before looking over at the smaller boy. He winced at the genuinely depressed aura emitting from Kyle. It must've been harsh news to take in. Not only did his best friend do something so terrible, but also kept it secret from him. Without thinking, Cartman placed one of his large hands on Kyle's shoulder and gave it a painful squeeze. "Lighten up. He doesn't do it anymore. Not that I know of."

Kyle blinked his watery eyes and looked over at Cartman.

"Just... do me a favor, would ya? Don't tell him I told you."

Kyle looked down once again. "Alright." He looked out the window, not prying Cartman's hand off of his shoulder. It actually felt somewhat comforting in its own weird way.

Cartman was also surprised that he found himself feeling concerned for the Jew.

He felt a violence nudge on his seat from behind, and he turned to see Kenny wagging his eyebrows at him suggestively. "Shut the fuck up, redneck," Cartman hissed quietly.

* * *

 **yeoo kyman feels!? ? ?**

 **sorry if my updates seem slower, I started college on monday soo ye**

 **I do get some free time between classes (more than I'd like actually) and I could write during that time if my laptop decides to not be all screwy**

 **suhamakittenII; yas! and it's not over yet C: I love you too hon!**

 **AriJustAri; aw happy late birthday dear ^^ sorry if my story doesn't go in the direction you hope for, but I can tell you they all end up happy ^^**

 **nekon3kokitty-sama; yaas ^^ *rubs hands together evilly***

 **tbc!**


	9. The Hard Blow

**hai**

 **sorry for the wait, I was gonna update this morning but I called into work early aha fuck**

 **also sorry if there's typos. anyway enjoy ewe**

* * *

Almost the entire first class of their day had gone by, and there was still no sign of the hippie. Kyle had even snuck a quick text half an hour ago, but no reply.

They could've been overreacting, but the two were getting really worried now.

Well, more so Cartman. Kyle was used to this type of thing. But up until now, Cartman never cared less about where someone might be if they didn't show up to school one day.

The redhead kept glancing over at the larger male curiously, astounded by the concern on his face. At this point, it was easy to believe that Cartman really did learn to love Stan- which Kyle supposed was better than manipulating him into something. But one problem still remained.

Kyle loved Stan, too.

And Kyle loved him first.

Surely Cartman knew that he had no right to interfere.

Then again, even if he had gone a little soft, this _was_ still Cartman he was talking about.

Kyle sighed and looked down at the worksheet on his desk, and his still hand. At this point in their lives he had developed a professional tolerance of Cartman's deplorable behavior. But he never saw this coming. And he didn't know how to handle it.

It bothered him that they grew so close in such a short time. It had been Stan and Kyle versus the world since preschool. Kyle spent those years building up an unbreakable bond with his best friend. Cartman did not ease himself onto their team. Kyle was amazed at his speed, especially considering his position among their social society.

Kyle tried not to worry about it too much. If he and Stan were still nothing more than friends, Cartman wasn't going to score so easily, either. But he couldn't completely ignore the nagging thoughts. What if they ended up together? Despite the fact that Stan seemed uninterested in dating since Wendy had dumped him in seventh grade, it was still a possibility with their rate of bonding. All this time Kyle tried to be as loving as possible without scaring his friend off. But Stan had to of known that there was a spark of romance in his actions. Kyle wasn't sure whether he'd prefer Stan to not notice or to notice but pretend he didn't. But he was sure of one thing.

If he didn't act fast, he would lose him to Cartman.

He clutched his pen tightly.

* * *

Lunch time came around and, as usual, Kyle was first to the table. He sat down and began to eat his tray of food, his mind kind of blank. He felt tired of thinking so hard lately. More of their outer clique has started to gather at their table, but Kyle disregarded their presence. He felt like keeping to himself for a minute. He could hear Clyde make a crack about girls and Craig talking to Tolkein and Tweak about some bullshit assignment, and would normally jump into the conversations, but he remained quiet.

As he took a sip of his Dr. Pepper, he noticed Cartman making his way over to their table. It wasn't unusual for them to sit together at lunch, but it was unusual for Stan not to be there beside him. Luckily Cartman was usually too busy eating to focus on conversation. He figured today would probably be different.

"You're late to lunch," Kyle dully pointed out and avoided eye contact when Cartman took the seat across from him.

"Yeah, it's fucked up," Cartman replied lightheartedly as he plopped down. "I went to the office to see if there was an excused absence or something for Stan."

Green eyes met brown ones. "And?"

Cartman poked disapprovingly at his mashed potatoes with his fork. "Nothin'."

Kyle turned his attention back to his food after checking his phone for a reply, sighing when he found none. Maybe he should take this opportunity to talk to Cartman and put him in his place on their current situation.

He opened his mouth to speak, but only a small gasp came out when he spotted Stan enter the cafeteria through the big doors.

"Stan!" He exclaimed happily, waving his hand high in their air so he could find them. Cartman too gaped happily as he turned around and breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of his friend.

Stan waved back tiredly and slowly trudged his way over to their table. Cartman couldn't help the twinge of disappointment when Stan took his usual seat next to the Jew.

Surprisingly, though, Kyle kept his hands off him.

"Where were you?" Kyle asked, beating Cartman to the punch.

"Slept in," Stan replied dully as he yawned and rested his chin in his palm, propping himself up with his elbow.

Kyle mocked himself mentally. He was overreacting, after all. "Your alarm clock didn't go off?"

"Forgot to set it."

Kyle didn't bother asking if his parents ended up waking him for school.

"Where's your lunch?" Cartman butted in.

"Forgot to pack one," Stan smiled nervously, allowing his friends to come to the conclusion that he was being honest, and not pulling the whole "too mature to eat" bullshit.

"Here, take mine!" Cartman pushed his tray of main-courses chicken wings over to Stan without thinking, happy he could do something for him.

Stan looked down at the tray curiously for a moment before turning his attention back to the dirty blonde and smiled. "Thanks Cartman, but... you know I don't eat meat."

Cartman was silent for a moment before laughing. "Of course I know that, you stupid hippie!" He awkwardly pulled his tray back. "I was just joking."

"Uh-huh," Stan replied.

"Of course he's joking, since when does Cartman share his food?" Kyle said, half saving Cartman, half degrading him. "You can have my salad, Stan. I don't want it."

"You sure?" Stan asked, earning a light slap upside the back of his head.

"I wouldn't offer if I wasn't sure," Kyle said firmly, pointing his fork at his friend. "Eat."

Stan smiled and ate, as commanded. "Thanks."

 _Shit_ , Cartman thought. _I have to do something._

"Well, you can have my soda," Cartman said, offering Stan his Mtn. Dew, thankful he hadn't opened it.

"Thanks," Stan said, still smiling as he opened it and took a drink.

"No problem!" Cartman exclaimed cheerily. "That's what best friends are for!"

Kyle took that like a blow to the head.

* * *

The rest of the day continued like that, from Kyle offering to do Stan's homework for him to Cartman telling him the details of their quiz he had missed that morning, aggravating the both of them. As much as they tried to be nice to each other, they couldn't ignore the mental battle they both knew damn well they were engaged in.

Kyle was paying extra close attention to Stan after learning his secret. He couldn't help but try and get a glance at his arms whenever his sleeve would ride up, but he couldn't see much.

This odd behavior didn't go unnoticed by Stan. By the end of the day, when Stan was to normally walk home, the two of them were right along side him at the lockers.

"Stan, let me walk you home," Kyle kept insisting, not liking the idea of Stan being off alone to have emotional thoughts.

"It's fine," Stan replied, wondering why his friend wouldn't just drop the subject. He never needed to be escorted home for any reason. And they had a lot of homework and he didn't feel like hanging out.

"I wanna come too," Cartman joined in, coming to Stan's other side. "I'll walk you home too."

"Guys, cut it out," Stan groaned slightly, uncomfortable with the amount of attention he was receiving. What the hell happened? "I can walk home myself, like I always do."

"I'm offended," Cartman stuck his tongue out and made a face. "You don't want my company?" He said, only half-joking.

"It's not that...," Stan deadpanned, his pressure point obviously being pokes at. "I just... don't understand why you suddenly want to be by my side 24/7."

Kyle couldn't help but burst out laughing at that.

He didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. The raven haired boy glanced over at him. "What's so funny?"

"You! Saying you don't understand... but I guess you mean it, if you really can't see what's going on here!" Kyle said, raising his voice a little, drawing attention of people passing by.

Stan's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Where was this coming from all of the sudden? Kyle seemed fine just a moment ago. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you little Jew-rat," Cartman snarled at the redhead. "Look whose telling who that they're being too assertive! You're always slobbering all over him!"

"Yeah well, if he doesn't notice me, you're sure as hell not gonna have any better luck, fatass!"

They were full-on arguing now, and there was a crowd gathering.

"Guys, seriously. What the hell are you talking about?" Stan tried to get into the conversation, wanting answers. But all he got was Kyle turning to face him angrily.

"Stan. Who do you choose?"

"What?"

"Who the hell do you choose, me or that ass-prick?!" Kyle said again, louder, pointing at Cartman.

"Ay, you're the asshole, Kyle! I can't love someone without you givin' me shit for it and you can't leave me alone!"

Stan's ice blue eyes blinked in astonishment. This was quickly going south, but he was speechless. "I-"

"Yeah who would pick you, fatass, you're insensitive and barbaric! Nobody could love you!"

"Well who the hell is the one that stopped Stan from cutting himself?! That's right, me!"

Gasps were heard from the quickly-growing crowd around the three, including Stan. His eyes shook, getting watery.

He couldn't believe Cartman just blurted that out in front of their entire graduating class. He didn't even seem to notice, or care.

"I knew that kid was emo trash," someone said quietly, but loud enough for Stan to hear. Chatter was going on all around them.

"Well, sucks to suck."

"Geez, people can't help not wanting to treat a trashy kid like that with no respect!"

Stan's heart was pounding painfully. "C-Cartman... Kyle," he was trying to get through to his friends, get them to stop arguing. "Stop-"

"Yeah, what the fuck Stan? Why didn't you tell me you cut yourself?" Kyle shouted, facing Stan. "I deserve to know that shit, I was in love with you first! But then you went and bent over for Cartman, didn't you?!" He couldn't hold back his words in his anger.

"Stan likes me better!" Cartman shouted back. "I was the one who spent nearly the whole break at his house!"

This caused more talk among the crowd.

"Marsh is a fag?!"

"Not only that, but a cheater?"

"Pathetic. No wonder he cuts!"

Kyle and Cartman continued to argue hellishly, but Stan heard none of it. Only the mocks and the laughter of the people around them. His head started spinning and he felt sick to his stomach. It was too much. He had to get out of there.

"Stan. I'm only gonna ask one more time! Me or him?!" Kyle screamed, both of them falling silent, waiting for Stan's answer. Both their hearts shattered at the result.

Stan stared at them, his hurt written all over his face. He didn't know when it happened, but somehow, he ended up being the cause and center of this destructive situation, and he was surely now suffering the fallout. What little was left of his dignity just got stabbed in the throat and died.

Kyle and Cartman both instantly regretted everything that had just happened, and it was dead silent in the hallway.

Kyle definitely lost all his anger when a tear silently strolled down Stan's cheek.

"Stan... we're sorry," Kyle said quietly, reaching for his friend, but Stan just shook his head and quickly ran out of the school, leaving behind a stunned and guilty Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski.

* * *

 **whoe shit drama. tbc! eue**


	10. Heart Ache

**this chapter is kind of short but it's more of a push-up than a furtherance in the story, to clear some things up and answer some questions. have stan's thoughts on the entire situation.**

 **btw in no way do I think badly of Stan. these are his thoughts, not mine eue**

 **anyway enjoys!**

* * *

Kyle and Cartman stood there shocked and silenced in the hall after Stan took off. They were both blind in their anger to see they were causing a scene and were now trying to process what happened.

Nevermind the funny looks they were getting from the crowd, they were lost in their own thoughts. The two rivals slowly shot each other a shocked glance and they were able to read each's features. For once they agreed on something serious.

They both fucked up pretty bad.

 **x.x.x**

Stan was out of breath by the time he got home. It was no surprise that the house was adultless, only Shelley listening to her music in her room. Stan caught his breath with his back against the door before trudging up the stairs, feeling exhausted. He went to his bedroom and shut the door, slumping down to the floor with his back against it after tossing his backpack aside.

He curled up and put his head in his hands, taking a heavy sigh. Damn, that hurt. He should've been used to his two friends' slander by this point in time, but he did not fancy being the center of attention. Not to mention his secrets were insensitively shouted into the sky, and at some point in time Cartman had apparently told Kyle against Stan's wishes.

But the biggest problem was...

 _"Yeah well, if he doesn't notice me, you're sure as hell not gonna have any better luck, fatass!"_

 _"Ay, you're the asshole, Kyle! I can't love someone without you givin' me shit for it and you can't leave me alone!"_

 _"Stan. Who do you choose?"_

Stan slightly tugged at his hair in frustration. He had hoped this day would never come.

Stanley Marsh was no idiot. He was perfectly aware of his best friend's feelings towards him since elementary school. It would take a fool to not know.

But instead of having to make any hard decisions, Stan played näive. If he was honest with himself, there was a spark between the two that he easily recognized as a mutual crush. In other words, Stan did care about Kyle in that way, but he ignored it for several reasons.

For one, he was not relationship material. He _was_ job hunting, but that's not a cake walk. He had no money and no way to properly support for anybody. The thought crossed his mind that between him and Kyle, he was the man of the relationship. Isn't the man supposed to be strong? Confident? Providing? He was none of those things.

Two, he hated his family. He hated his school. He hated everything; except for the few good friends he had. But no matter how he looked at it, the bad definitely outweighed the good in his time in South Park. His solution? Get the hell out. He didn't want to go too far so as to not loose contact with his friends, but away from here. Find a college in another city and try to start over there. Naturally, he had no intention of starting a serious relationship before that time.

But mostly; he was pathetic. He had absolutely _no_ idea what Kyle saw in him. Kyle always tried to tell him otherwise but it doesn't help a person with an extreme case of body dysmorphic disorder like Stan had. Stan cut himself for God's sake, so Kyle couldn't talk because he didn't know- until now, of course. But nobody else knew that he would occasionally steal alcohol from his father's cupboard and drink it, so there was still that. And Cartman said some nice things to him too, but...

Oh yes, and then there was Cartman. Stan never thought too much of him in the period before he showed up on his doorstep. He always hated when they fought but it was mostly for Kyle's sake because it seems like, at times, he was sickeningly obsessed with pissing off the fat bastard and brewing trouble for all four of them.

But then everything suddenly changed. Stan mistook Cartman's care as a plutonic respect rather than a romantic attraction. The extra physical contact just seemed like the perfect way to push the redhead's buttons in the situation. He tried to hard to be a mediator between them. But he honestly didn't think Cartman would fall in love with him, too.

Stan knew it was dangerous to get so close to the dirty blonde but what else was he supposed to do? It was like he had hit rock bottom and he went to Stan for comfort. It made Stan feel special and appreciated, though he didn't admit it at the time. And as it turned out, Cartman was an extreme pleasure to be around. He didn't think any more or less of him than he did Kyle, but he saw them as equally close to him.

And by that, he meant maybe there was a spark with Cartman as well.

He un-clenched his fists he didn't realize he was holding so tight and sat up, a single tear running down his cheek.

Now he felt disgusting for being in love with his two closest friends. They had convinced him that he really did betray both of them by basically cheating, even if none of them were officially together. But he knew how dangerous it was and decided to go through with it anyway. It's no wonder the both of them hate him now.

More tears found their way down his rosy cheek as he got deeper and deeper in thought. He should've stayed and tried to apologize to the two of them, but it had been too much pressure for him to handle, so he simply ran out. He really _was_ trash. Maybe now, Kyle and Cartman could see that...

What he didn't know was by that point, the two said boys were on the other side of his door, listening to his sobbing in heavy regret.

* * *

 **yee the three of them are gonna have a big long talk in the next chapter ewe and fluff will ensue ewe and then, finally, LEMONS ewe**

 **please review!**


	11. Atonement

Silence. Shock. Mortification. These things could practically be seen swarming in the air disgustingly when the raven haired boy disappeared out the front doors of the school, leaving his two good friends behind.

They weren't sure how much time has gone by before the crowd eventually dispatched. Even Kenny had shot them both a look of disapproval and trudged away from the scene. Then everyone went on with the rest of their day– except Kyle and Cartman.

They could only stare out the front door with guilt ridden on both their faces.

"What… what have we done?" Kyle finally whispered, loud enough for Cartman to hear.

Valid question.

One that Cartman often didn't ask himself. But now he did.

Because he hurt Stan.

And he felt the guilt creeping into his heart with every passing second.

He didn't like it.

"I… I don't know," Cartman finally said, at a loss for words.

"Don't know?" Kyle turned to the other male. "We just.. we..," he trailed off, the emotions overwhelming his being as well.

"I know…, I just– can't believe it," Cartman mumbled, looking down to the floor.

Everything had just gone wrong.

And what bothered him even more was that he knew he couldn't put _all_ the blame on Kyle.

This never would've happened if he hadn't gotten involved in the first place.

For the first time in his life he was fully aware of his harmful actions and fully penitent of the consequences.

He was pulled from his thoughts when a sob escaped from the redhead as he buried his face into his hands.

"God, I'm so sorry, Cartman."

Cartman looked at the Jew. "What?"

"I'm so sorry," Kyle repeated, his body trembling. He seemed to be losing self-consciousness as he humbly cried out, "I just… I shouldn't have made this into a big deal. I- I was just upset because I've spent so long trying to build a relationship with… with Stan… and move it forward without scaring him off… and I just couldn't… I couldn't stand the fact that you grew so close in such a short time… I was jealous… and now, Stan is… Stan is…," Kyle stopped his speech to simply cry into his gloves.

Cartman was in shock. For the first time he understood that he was supposed to be doing the apologizing, but Kyle was bearing his soul out. Maybe he wasn't so unaware, after all.

Cartman didn't think about what he did next.

He pulled the redhead into a tight embrace.

Kyle's watery green eyes widened in surprise, both his palms still glued to his cheeks while Cartman held him tightly.

"Cartman?"

"No, _I'm_ sorry." The larger male said.

Cartman hugging him, _and_ apologizing? Everything was almost happening too fast for Kyle to process.

"You were right. It wasn't right of me to paint myself in the picture. But I really couldn't help it. At first, I guess I was manipulating Stan. But then something happened. I still don't understand it. I suddenly didn't like the idea of you two being together. I knew it was wrong. But part of me just chose to ignore it. And this is the result. So I fucked up just as bad. I can't help the way I feel about Stan and you couldn't help getting jealous. It's both our faults."

Kyle blinked some tears out of his eyes, listening to the other. Well, his words held truth. Not knowing what else to do, he wrapped his slim arms around the other's neck, returning the hug.

Kyle's heart warmed slightly. Cartman actually felt really nice to hug, he concluded, similar to the way Stan did, for the same reason. Maybe even slightly more comfortable because Cartman was bigger and was able to provide more contact. And Cartman was also just the right height for the redhead to be able to bury his face into his neck.

Cartman was also thinking about this. Kyle and Stan had almost the same build, but Kyle was a little more petite, being slightly shorter and less muscular. He suddenly flashed back to when he fell asleep in Stan's bed, embracing him like this. Feeling the other person's heartbeat. Holding them close. There was such a sense of comfort and tranquility in this simple action, he was astounded he didn't just succumb to it earlier in his life.

"I'll never fight you again…," he heard Kyle whisper. "I can't." A few tears rolled down his flushed cheeks.

"Promise," Cartman confirmed. "For Stan."

Kyle nodded in agreement.

"…you feel kind of nice, Jew."

Kyle didn't expect to hear that. "You do, too."

Eventually they pulled away and peered into each other's eyes, for the first time, both of them lacking hatred. It was surreal to both boys and they found themselves smiling at each other. Cartman noticed Kyle was blushing a little, still. But heart ache got the better of them before they remembered the big problem they still had on both their bloody hands.

 _Stan._

* * *

They avoided slipping on the ice as they hauled from the school– not caring less that they were ditching– and made their way to the Marsh residence, Kyle running beside Cartman.

"Oh, God. Do you think he's going to-?"

"God I hope not," Cartman said genuinely as they bolted around the corner, coming up on the house.

They ran up to the house and Cartman violently pounded on the door, wondering if anyone would even answer. When they got none, he went into a panic and was about to break the door down until they were greeted by an angry Shelley.

"What the hell do you want, you little faggots?!" She spit out, obviously annoyed by the banging. Cartman pushed past her and ran up the stairs, followed by Kyle, hearing her yell out bitchy things as they made their way up.

The two stopped outside Stan's bedroom and went still. They shot each other a fearful look before they pressed their to the door and their hearts shattered by the muffled crying on the other side.

Cartman nodded at Kyle. Kyle didn't need to be told before he gently knocked on the door.

"Stan?" Kyle asked softly. "It's us."

The crying stopped and some shuffling could be heard on the other side of the door.

"Come in," Stan said in a quiet voice, now sitting on his bed, trying to wipe the last of the tears out of his eyes.

Kyle cautiously opened the door and gasped quietly at the post-stressed Stan sitting on the bed, trying to compose himself. Cartman followed shortly behind, probably feeling the most conflicted about the situation of the three.

"Hey," Kyle greeted gently as Cartman quietly closed the door and the two of them stood together, facing Stan.

"Hey," Stan replied casually with a breath.

Kyle and Cartman looked at each other, then back at Stan.

"Stan, we–" Kyle started, but Cartman put a hand on his shoulder.

"Let me."

Kyle stepped back curiously.

Cartman then proceeded to take a seat next to Stan, being painfully pierced by said boy's sad blue eyes falling onto him.

"Stan, you didn't… do anything.. did you?" Cartman got the most important matter out of the way.

Stan looked away. "No."

The other two breathed a sigh of relief before Cartman bit his lip. He had so much to say but his mind couldn't form them into words.

Sighing, Cartman brought his large hand to grasp it into one of Stan's smaller ones, getting his attention back on him.

"You probably know why we're here." Cartman explained.

Stan blinked. "We need to talk?"

"Yeah." Cartman said.

Stan looked down at their conjoined hands and gave a light, emotional squeeze.

Cartman was about to speak, until he heard ridiculous words come out of the hippie's mouth.

"I'm sorry."

Cartman furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"

"I'm sorry," Stan repeated. "I'm sorry for… hurting both of you." He sighed.

Kyle and Cartman looked at each other in amazement. Kyle wanted nothing more than to step in and slap his crush for the nonsense, but he refrained and averted his eyes away, figuring Cartman would be firm without screaming like he would've been tempted to.

"Shut up," Cartman groaned, squeezing his hand a little tighter. "That's our line, not your's."

"But… you said–" Stan started, before getting cut off.

"No. Everything we said was horse shit. Alright? You need to get it out of your freakish, power-saving, whale-loving head."

"But-"

" _No buts!"_

Stan kept his mouth shut, and Cartman suddenly understood why Kyle was so harsh with him sometimes.

Cartman turned to the redhead who figured it was time for him to step in.

Kyle sat on Stan's other side and gripped his arm lightly. "Stan, I'm sorry. Words cannot express… they can't express how sorry I am. How sorry _we_ are. We didn't mean for things to get so far. And I never meant to humiliate you, hurt you or scare you or… have you find out things… not like this… it wasn't supposed to be like this." Kyle's eyes watered again as he pleaded with his friend.

"But, I'm apologizing because I didn't just find out." Stan explained with a sigh. "I… I know. I've always known."

Kyle's breath hitched. "What?"

"I know, Kyle."

"Why… why didn't you say anything?! You've known, this whole time, for nearly twelve years, and you never said anything?!" Kyle became upset and stood up, his fists balled at his sides.

Stan's eyes became sad again as he tried to explain. "Because… you deserve so much better than me."

Kyle tried to compose himself as he looked down. "Stan… you know I hate it when you say stuff like that."

"Well, what do you want from me Kyle?" Stan asked, raising his voice a little. "To not say anything or to say the truth? You'll get pissed either way."

"That is _not_ the truth!" Kyle became desperate and put his hands on Stan's shoulders, trying to get through to him. "I've known you long enough! If I really wanted someone else I'd be gone already!"

Cartman found this conversation difficult to hear and stayed out of it for now, turning away. He didn't wanna make things worse by interrupting the other two's private matters again.

"Kyle, you haven't met that many girls-"

" _No,_ Stan! You're wrong! I don't _want_ a girl!" Kyle admitted bluntly. "I want _you_! How can you not just register that by now?!"

Stan looked down to the floor. He had been living on the notion that Kyle was head over heels for him because he didn't really bother to try and meet  
other people and "test other fish in the sea." Kyle had never really devoted his time and attention to any other human being and therefore couldn't possibly know if he felt something stronger for something else.

But, now that he thought about it, that went two ways.

It could mean that Kyle was clueless when it came to being in love, or… he really _was_ madly in love with Stan.

Stan's eyes peered up curiously at his friend, like he was finally starting to get it. Kyle's eyes softened and he sat back down, cupping Stan's face with both his palms.

"Stan, believe me… there is absolutely nobody better for me… than you." He smiled as he looked at the other lovingly with a gentle smile.

Stan was about to say something, until Kyle remembered, and continued.

"Cartman, too."

"What?" Stan and Cartman asked in unison.

"Cartman, you want to vouch?" Kyle said, genuinely smiling at the largest boy.

Stan was still trying to process all of Kyle's speech, but his attention was forced to Cartman who held both his hands in his larger ones.

"I owe you an apology too. You trusted me with something and I betrayed that. And I'm to blame for this whole mess. I knew you and Kyle already had something but I just, couldn't help but… fall in love with you," he forced the last words out, figuring it was casual with the rest of the conversation.

Before Stan could say anything, Cartman continued, "I was being selfish. And, I know that comes as no surprise– but what's surprising is that for the first time in my life I have remorseful my selfish actions because I hurt you. And I hurt Kyle." He shot the Jew a genuinely penitent look. "So I'm sorry. We're sorry. And whatever happens next is completely up to you. We can forget this whole thing if you want. And Kyle and I are never going to continue our ways again."

"Yeah," Kyle agreed, taking one of Stan's in his, while Cartman still held the other. "We care about what you think, Stan. So whatever you say goes. We'll be perfectly okay." He wasn't sure he'd be okay if Stan decided to forget about this whole thing, but he did regard Stan's feelings above his own.

Stan seemed to be silent for a long while, before he finally spoke, "I don't know what to say… this… this is all so sudden."

Kyle and Cartman's eyes both drooped with sadness, taking it as a rejection, until Stan continued, "I'm so… flattered… I never thought… people I value so much… could feel that way about me," Stan's eyes were watery and focused on the floor but a smile was painted on his lips. "I'm really happy."

Setting aside "custody" issues for now, the three embraced in a hug, the two squeezing Stan comfortingly while the raven-haired boy tried to return it equally to both of them. When they pulled apart, Stan asked, "but… you can't ask me to choose.. between the two of you… I can't do that. So… what do we– what do we do?"

Cartman and Kyle looked at each other, both in thought. But they both read each others minds and shot a smile to the other. They couldn't deny the spark between them back in the school after Stan had ran out. Although none of them wanted to say it. After awhile, Cartman cleared his throat.

"You like us both… we both like you… and I think we've grown to like each other, based on mutual interest," Cartman gestured a hand to Kyle, who smiled in return. "I see no problem here." He suggested. The redhead tried to read Stan's face for signs of disapproval, but it was hard.

Stan was obviously shocked by the suggestion, but he didn't seem traumatized by the idea. After a moment of silence, he answered with a smile, "I guess you're right."

The three then embraced all over again, sighing in content. Stan smiled as a tear escaped his closed eye and rolled down his cheek. He felt full genuine happiness and peace, nothing he'd ever experienced before in his life. Sure, it was fucked up, but they were all sick in the head in some shape, way or form. Stan cut and drank while under aged, it couldn't hurt to be a polygamist too. Might as well have variety.

Although he was sure his cutting and drinking days were officially over.

Cartman pulled back, feeling a wave of confidence sweep over him. He pressed his mouth close to Stan's ear, making the other shiver and tense up.

 _"Now that we've established the verbal part,"_ he said, " _why don't we get a little more physical, and show you how much we love you? What do you think, Kyle?"_

 _"I think that's a great idea, Eric,"_ Kyle said, the words rolling off his tongue unexpectedly smoothly as he pressed his lips to peck his friend on the cheek. Stan swallowed. He knew he was about to experience a different flavor of love and peace, not war.

* * *

 **wee**

 **okay I know I said lemons would be here but this was getting kind of long, pause, so it will be the next chapter (bare with me omf)**

 **and the next chapter will also be the last chapter, but not the last of my SP yaoi fanfics**

 **tbc!**


	12. a message

sorry I haven't updated this story in awhile, I will soon

I've been really discouraged


	13. The End

**okay I expecting a lot of disappointment in response to this chapter so if thats the case for some people I explained myself in the AN below the chapter so please take a moment to read, thanks guys!**

* * *

For once, Cartman and Kyle were on the same exact page.

Stan was gently pushed down onto bed by the other two boys. His cheeks were flushed to the fullest and his heart was pounding in his chest. It almost was too much for himー he was feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety. He'd never experienced anything like this in his life. Back when he had dated Wendy, she had sometimes pressures him into oral activityー he could never go through with it. One of the many reasons she had walked out on him. It felt different this time, but not exactly.

"Kyle... Cartman, hold on, Iー I don't know if I'm... well," Stan stammered, starting to fiddle with the bedsheets underneath him, tangling his fingers nervously. Two said boys shot each other a sympathetic glance. Should they be pressuring Stan like this?

But they both knew the same thing.

"Stan," Kyle said soothingly, putting his hand to the raven haired boy's cheek. "You don't need to be afraid of us."

Stan calmed down a little. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?" The redhead asked in confusion.

Stan opened his mouth to speak, but closed it shut. He wasn't sure if he could go through with this as a result of his own self-consciousness and insecurity. But if he put himself down, Kyle would only get angry. And Cartman would probably get angry too, now.

The hippie took a deep breath and closed his blue eyes. "It's nothing. I... I trust you. Both of you."

Cartman and Kyle smiled, subconsciously looking at each other. Both their smiles faded when their eyes met. Stan wasn't the only one of them having a mental issue here. The two boys could read each other in their eyes and they knew they were feeling the same way.

Both of their attention spans had been entirely focused on Stan. But now their devotion had been more dividedー forcibly among each other. Just yesterday, both of them had wanted to just about murder the other. Swinging into this situation was a bit uncomfortable for both of them. But they were all there. Their two cents heard. All on the same level of understanding and compassion. This was never going to happen again.

This was the perfect time to green light this three-way relationship. Cartman and Kyle could settle their bigger differences later. Right now, they had only eyes for Stan.

And they were both determined to display their love to this boy whether he liked it or not.

Both Stan's hands were suddenly occupied again by the other two boys', and his cheeks being peppered with light kisses on either side by two sets of lips.

Stan tensed up at first, but gave in to the affection. When he calmed himself and just absorbed it in, he no longer felt scared. He had never had a nicer feeling than this.

One of his eyes peeked open when he felt his clothes being removed. He swallowed again, here came his self-consciousness. He didn't eat muchーand he knew thisーand he knew the effects. Even though he had some muscle in his arms, he was still too skinny as a result of his mouse-sized eating habits. And there were the healing scars on his arm that hadn't been covered in bandages that day that would become visible. He suspected he would get an earful.

Kyle's eyes looked shot in hurt when he took in the sight. He teared up and lifted Stan's hand off the bed, bringing his arm with him, and kissed gently at the scars and healing wounds there. Cartman rubbed Stan's other hand soothingly with his thumb.

"You're never going to do this again, right?" Kyle asked, giving the athlete's hand a light squeeze. Stan seemed dazed for a moment before he answered.

"Right."

"Promise?" Cartman added, knowing it's what Kyle would've said. This was confined true when Kyle shot him a curious glance.

Stan didn't answer right away which somewhat worried the two of them. Then he spoke, "promise."

This brought joy into the hearts of his two friendsーhe supposed they were now officially his boyfriendsーand they continued pampering the black haired boy into bliss.

The boys did not play the full game, deciding they weren't ready. They managed to show their love to Stan for him and make him forget about the horrible things in the world, even if only for a brief momentーStan was definitely at peace. Based on the light moans he made when the three of them were together, the other two knew they had done their job, even if they only had scratched the surface. They all agreed this was something they needed to take seriously if they wanted to make it work. Some things had to be discussed before anything serious happened, and they fully intended to make everything click in the end.

Kyle and Cartman silently walked beside each other after leaving Stan's houseーhis parents had returned home from wherever they were anyway, and it felt odd to stick around after thatー they all needed some alone time, because they all had some serious thinking to do. Cartman scoffed at the knowledge he would be getting the most restraints from the other two, especially Kyle. Cartman, do this. Cartman, don't do that. He could already hear the whines and groans. Mainly because said Jew was attempting to talk to him, but he was too lost in thought to hear...

"Cartman." Kyle tried again firmly, having stopped walking.

Cartman snapped out of it and turned to face the redhead. "Huh?"

Kyle's face was stern, as if he was angry, and Cartman almost expected to get yelled at for somethingーuntil the other boy's face softened and a sweet smile played on his lips.

"What you said in there. I never expected to hear things like that coming from you. But I can tell you meant it," Kyle admitted. "I really... respect you for that. It was real sweet."

Cartman was taken aback. Kyle had never spoken to him like this before and honestly, he wasn't sure how to respond to it. Positively, probably. But he was at a loss for words. He felt flattered when he was honest with himself. He could pretend it was pride but it would get him nowhereーthe Jew was too smart. He knew this about him. Finally, Cartman smirked.

"I could say the same about you, right now," he said, walking up the other until they were within contact distance. "Did I hear an actual compliment coming from you? To me?"

Kyle bit his lip. He wanted to be nice, but Cartman wasn't making it easy. He wasn't going to argue. "Yes."

Cartman's heart softened as he returned the smile and reached around to cup the back of Kyle's head and pull him into a hug.

"Thanks, or whatever." He murmured.

"You're welcome," Kyle smiled, returning the hug.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all, learning to live with each other. All for Stan. Their love, who needed their love bad. When they returned home, they fell into a deep sleep with a lot on their mind.

* * *

 ****please read****

 **okay first of all I'm sorry for chickening out of the lemon I said I'd write but I decided against it for two reasons, one personal reason I won't go into detail about**

 **and no it not cause of the idiot who review my other story and tell me to delete it cause smut is against the rules, I don't give a shit about that, there's no bigger waste of time. there way too much smut on this site to get rid of it all**

 **but it also struck me as a writer that I can't just throw an apple and an orange together (Cartman and Kyle) and ignore the obvious issues and expect it to just work without developing them first**

 **I mean they kinda made up here but they still have more to work out. I can write another PWP story and just skip the build up and go straight to the smut in another fic that perfectly fine, but in this situation I just simply _cannot_ do that.**

 **they need growth before I'm gonna put the two together in a developmental story. but since this story is supposed to be about Stan, I'm gonna save it for another one-shot. but I needed to end this story first so we can all move on**

 **and don't worry, I'll write plenty of PWP stories pertaining to the same universe to make up for the lack of lemon in this one, like Homework for example**

 **I'm going to change the rating for this one**

 **so I hope you'll be patient with me**

 **thank you guys for reading, and reviewing, it really keep me going, despite what some think of me**

 **I how you'll stick with me and enjoy my other stories**

 _ **-bean**_


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